When the Torah describes the sin offering of the nasi in Parshas Vayikra, it begins (4:22), "asher nasi yecheta - in the case of a leader who sins". Rashi notes that the use of the word asher seems puzzling. The Torah should have said "im nasi yecheta - if a leader sins," just like it says earlier (4:13), "v'im kol adas Yisrael yishgu - and if the entire congregation of Israel will make a mistake". Why does the Torah use the word asher when discussing the sin of the nasi? Rashi explains that the word asher sounds like "ashrei - fortunate" because fortunate is the generation whose leader feels a desire to bring a korban for his unintentional sins; all the more so, will such a leader regret his intentional sins. A leader who can admit his mistakes is truly worthy of his position.
The haftorah of Parshas Zachor tells the tragic story of King Shaul who was not able to admit his mistake. Hashem tells Shmuel to command Shaul to destroy Amalek, but Shaul does not fulfill the command properly. He leaves Agag alive, and he allows the people to save some of the animals to sacrifice to Hashem.
Chazal say (Yoma 22b), "Shaul was guilty of only one sin, and yet it counted against him, while David was guilty of two indiscretions and yet they did not count against him." Shaul defied Hashem's command by not completely destroying Amalek and he lost the kingship, while David acted inappropriately twice, first when he arranged for Uriah, the husband of Bas Sheva, to be killed in battle, and later when he conducted a census which caused a plague, and yet he retained the kingship.
Why was Shaul punished more severely than David if he only sinned once? The Malbim explains that the difference between Shaul and David lay in their reaction to a prophet's rebuke. When Shmuel confronts Shaul with his sin, Shaul justifies his actions. He initially declares innocently that he fulfilled the word of Hashem (Shmuel I, 15:13). When Shmuel asks him about the sheep, Shaul responds that the people spared some animals to sacrifice to Hashem (15:15). Shmuel then shares with Shaul that Hashem appeared to him and told him to convey to Shaul that He is dissatisfied with his behavior (15:17-19). Incredibly, Shaul still protests. "But I did listen to the voice of Hashem," he argues (15:20-21). Only after Shmuel expresses Hashem's disappointment with Shaul one more time, and he tells Shaul that Hashem has rejected him as king (15:22-23), does Shaul admit his sin (15:24). By contrast, when Nosson the prophet admonishes David for arranging Urieh's death, David immediately admits his guilt. He says simply, "I have sinned" (Shmuel II, 12:13). He does not rationalize his actions even for a moment. This, says the Malbim, is the critical difference between Shaul and David.
It is not easy for anyone to admit their faults. We all make mistakes - whether they be in the realm of bein adam l'makom or bein adam l'chaveiro or even bein adam l'atzmo (in our middos and attitudes). But what is even worse than making a mistake is not admitting that we have done something wrong, not owning up to the truth.
We have to be honest with ourselves, and sometimes it's not easy. Unfortunately, we do not have prophets who can reveal to us what we have done wrong and to guide us on the path toward improvement. However, oftentimes we know the truth in our hearts, but are not brave enough to admit it and to make amends for what we have done wrong. The story of Shaul highlights the importance of being honest with ourselves and not being afraid to admit our mistakes.
This, in fact, is one of the middos that helped save the Jewish people at the time of Purim. Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu, vol. 1 p. 76) quotes Rav Simcha Zissel, the Alter of Kelm, who pointed out that the story of Purim actually took place over a span of nine years, from the third year of Achashveirosh's reign through the twelfth year. Most people would not have detected the connection between the feast at the beginning of the story and the evil decree of Haman to destroy the Jewish people. Only Mordechai, through his ruach hakodesh, understood the connection.
Mordechai had told the Jewish people not to attend Achashveirosh's feast, but they were afraid that not attending would anger the king and he might kill them, so they went to the party, against Mordechai's wishes. There seemed to be no negative repercussions from their behavior, but nine years later, Haman decreed that everyone should bow to him. Chazal (Sanhedrin 61b) concede that in truth there was no violation of avodah zara in bowing, and yet Mordechai refused to bow so there should not even be the perception that he was serving avodah zara. There were those that claimed that Mordechai was putting them all in danger because of a chumra. And, in fact, their worst fears seemed to have been realized. Haman was incensed that Mordechai refused to bow to him, so he conspired with Achashveirosh to destroy the Jewish people.
Most rational people would have said that Mordechai was the one who caused the terrible decree. But Mordechai told them that the decree was actually a result of their attending Achashveirosh's party. It seemed so unlikely, and yet, instead of criticizing Mordechai, the Jewish people admitted their mistake, did teshuva, and joined Mordechai and Esther in fasting and tefillah. It was that ability of Klal Yisrael to be honest with themselves and trust Mordechai's wisdom that led to the incredible turnaround and miracle of Purim.
Admitting mistakes is never easy. But sometimes when we take the difficult route of true introspection, we can merit enormous blessing.
More divrei Torah from Rabbi Koenigsberg