Hang on, one minute, the Bartenura says, so we're in the middle here of Os Vav, the Mishna of Hillel. וכשאני לעצמי מה אני. גם כשאני לי להשתדל לתקן נפשי בכל כחי.
Even when I take responsibility for myself and I'm exerting myself with all my strength to rectify, to perfect my soul, ואני הוגה בחכמה בכל עת, and I'm preoccupied with khokhmas haTorah. Hogeh, depending upon context, sometimes means to pronounce or articulate, as in for instance הוגה את השם באותיותיו you have the Mishna. So there hogeh is to articulate. And other times hogeh means thought, iyyun, as in hegyon libi lefanecha. Here presumably it's the latter of the two that Rabbeinu Yonah intends. ואני הוגה בחכמה בכל עת, and I'm delving into khokhma constantly. Mah ani, with all that effort, what am I? כי השגת האדם קצרה ודלה, what a person attains is very limited. V'im hatorach vehasikkun, with the exertion, with the, again, the attempt to perfect, ישיג מעט מן המעלות. Objectively a person attains very little. ואוי מי אנכי ומה חיי כשאינני לעצמי להשתדל ולהטרח לתקן נפשי.
So how much more so a person should realize if with all my effort there's only what I achieve, what I accomplish is so modest, so how much more so if I don't put forth that effort? If I don't invest that effort, how much more so what am I, who am I? והמשל בזה מן השדה שהוא זיבורית. The mashal is to an inferior type of field. Again, when classifying fields into idis, beinonis, u'zibburis, so zibburis is the weakest, the most inferior type of field. כי אם רוב הטורח בתיקונו ומרוב העבודה, with all the effort that the farmer expends, with all the work that he does to try to squeeze out of the field what he can, yotzi zerah me'at, the crop is, the yield is very modest. ואם לא יטרחו בתיקונו, but if you have a sadeh she'hu zibburis, an inferior field, and the farmer and his farmhands don't exert themselves, לא יצמיח ולא יעלה בו כל עשב, they'll have nothing to show for it. אבל קוץ ודרדר יצמיח, they'll just have thorns, it will just be overgrown and it will yield nothing. וכשדה שהוא עידית, if you have a lush field, the best type of field, גם כי לא יטרח בעבודתו, then even if the farmer doesn't exert himself, yimtza bizri'aso to'eles, there will be a yield even with very, very little expenditure of effort on the part of the farmer. ואמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה בענין מה שכתוב כי הוא ידע יצרנו.
Hakadosh Barukh Hu is the architect of the human personality and soul. So Hakadosh Barukh Hu knows who we are, what we are. משל למלך שנתן שדה לעבד והזהירו לעבדו ולשמרו ולהביא לו ממנו שלשים כור בכל שנה.
He charges them with the task of extracting thirty kor in terms of the crop annually והם טרחו ועבדו אותה היטב and they really put forth their best effort והביאו ממנה לפני המלך חמשה כור and they were only able to arrive at one-sixth of what they were charged to do. אמר להם מה זו עשיתם. אמרו לו אדוננו המלך שדה שנתת לנו זיבורית היא ואנחנו בכל כחנו עבדנו אותה ועם כל הטורח לא עשתה התבואה יותר מזה השיעור.
So what seems to be implied here in this ma'amar chazal and in Rabbeinu Yonah is that it's a chesed Hakadosh Baruch Hu did with us that the nimshal, the mashal to our nefesh is a sadeh ziburis rather than a sadeh idis, so at first glance that seems to be a little bit curious why is the deck stacked against us that we operate, that we have to plant and till a field that's only ziburis rather than a field that's idis? But the emes is it's a chesed. משל למה הדבר דומה, let's say you have someone in high school, but it could be at different stages, and he's just much much brighter than all his classmates. So the teacher has to teach to the mean, so he's not really challenged. So he's able to score a hundred on every test without really putting forth any exertion. So he achieves a tiny tiny fraction of what he's capable of achieving because he's lulled into thinking he's achieving by all the hundreds. He comes home every day with a hundred and he's winning all the prizes and all the awards, so he thinks, oh, so I'm doing well without working, so why do I have to work hard? The reality is that that's misleading him and that he's really only achieving a very tiny fraction of what he could achieve. But if the person doesn't, let's say you have someone who's in the class, but he's in a class where it's so challenging and so demanding that if unless he puts forth his very best effort, he'll get a zero, maybe a ten on every exam. And it's only when he puts forth his best best effort that he attains anything close to the result that he's seeking. So that person, because he's put in such a demanding situation, is going to achieve more of his potential, maybe even all or almost all of his potential, whereas the person who was put in a situation which isn't so demanding where he could easily coast achieves only a tiny fraction. If the nefesh were comparable to a sadeh that was idis, so things would come easily to us and what would come easily would mislead us into thinking okay, I'm doing, I'm growing, I'm accomplishing. The reality would be very much otherwise and the person would only be growing and accomplishing a tiny fraction of what he's capable of doing. And that's why Hakadosh Baruch Hu says no, I'm going to make it that it requires tremendous effort. That everything is an avodah because when a person realizes that whatever I accomplish is only with tremendous avodah, so then he can't be lulled into a false sense of complacency. So it's a tremendous chizuk to realize that effort and difficulty is par for the course. It's not that effort and difficulty is like an unexpected flat tire on the way. I'm looking to drive from point A to point B and I get a flat tire. So that's seen as... Some kind of unexpected and therefore totally unnecessary and interference. No, the difficulty, the challenge defines the course, not only is it par for the course, but but but it defines the course. V'im Lo Achshav, the last phrase in Hillel's saying, aimosai. Ain rouiy li, again, Rabbeinu Yonah speaking in Hillel's voice, אין ראוי לי ואחר יום או יומים השתדלותי בתיקון נפשי ובקביעות עתים לתורה.
Ki im omar, אקוה לעת הפנאי ועד היות כסף די ספוקי. I'll work on tikkun hamiddos, I'll begin to be koveia itim l'Torah when things are less hectic, when I've built up my life savings more. הנה טרדות העולם אינן פוסקות. There's always tirdos. They're not always the same from day to day. Some days the tirdos are different than the previous day, and sometimes tomorrow's tirdos are different than today's tirdos, but the common denominator is that there's always tirdos, there's always things that that that encumber a person, there are always things that that that can preoccupy a person, that to a degree do preoccupy a person. כמו שאמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה אל תאמר לכשאפנה אשנה שמא לא תפנה.
When the epaneh is from something which is open-ended, so then the din is, a person is not allowed to reason אל תאמר לכשאפנה אשנה. If it's something which isn't open-ended, so then it is legitimate, it is legitimate. Let's say a person is entering a certain field and if he'll get, if he'll take an extra year of schooling, say, he'll be able b'derech hateva, he's making a hishtadlus that he'll be able to land a job which will pay better so that he'll be able to earn his parnassa with fewer hours a week because the pay scale that he'll be eligible for is higher. But the training, the extra year's training, the master's, whatever it is, it's an intensive year, an intensive year, and and it will limit the time he has for Talmud Torah. So then it is legitimate for a person to say, 'I'm going to make this investment and then im yirtzeh Hashem for decades I'll have extra time to learn,' because it's not something which is open-ended, it's something I'm doing this for a year. But if a person says, 'I'll play the stock market and as soon as I have whatever whatever figure he he decides on, as soon as I reach that figure,' he says, 'so then then I'll be able to more or less just live off the interest and I'll be able to learn full time.' So Rabbeinu Yonah is going to have more than one objection to this in the next paragraph as well, but that's open-ended because who knows when if ever the person is going to attain that goal? It's not something which is well-defined and no, it's a דבר שאין לו קצבה. So that's אל תאמר לכשאפנה אשנה. A person can't say, 'When I won't have any tirdos olam hazeh, when I'll reach a certain financial goal,' because who knows when if ever the person achieves that goal? אל תאמר לכשאפנה אשנה שמא לא תפנה. This paragraph also illustrates, I think we spoke about this a little bit, I don't remember, I think we spoke about this in the Mishna in Avos that the Rambam quotes in Hilchos Teshuva of שוב יום אחד לפני מיתתך. וכי אדם יודע מתי ימות?
Adaraba! That every נמצא כל יומיו בתשובה, a person should do teshuva today. So he said, 'When is it elsewhere in Halacha we don't operate with a chashash shema yamus?' No, we see a young person, there's not a chashash that the person is going to die. there's a chazaka that the person's gonna live b’ezrat Hashem a normal, a normal lifespan. But when when we're talking about something which is not a question of the Eshes Kohen can she assume that her husband is still alive and eat terumah today. But we're talking about something which is a task that that a person needs to attend to at some point in his life. So a person will always be able to say I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. And at some point he's gonna run out of time with that approach. So then the answer is that a person should do it today. And and it's very much consistent with how Rabbeinu Yona is is applying this as well. It's the same thing meaning at some point in my life I want to begin with tikkun nafsho. At some point in my life I want to begin with a kvias itim. Okay, but but a person will always be able to say let me just get through this busy season at work, let me just get through this busy season with my family, let me just get through this busy season and it will always be nidche miyom leyom. vehashanis, the second reason that compels אם לא עכשיו אימתי. acharei, besides the אל תאמר לכשאפנה אשנה שמא לא תפנה. acharei sheya’asof veyichnos. Let's say takeh the person will achieve that financial goal. Person said he sets himself a financial goal and says then you know I'm gonna I'll retire young and I'll be able to learn full time. But אחרי שיאסוף ויכנוס עוד יכסוף לאסוף. But then he's gonna well he's gonna move the goalposts meaning it's not that he won't attain his original goal, it's that with right with the eating comes the appetite so with depends what one is what one is ingesting, what one is consuming. So with with the amassing of of some wealth he's just going to stimulate an appetite for greater wealth. od yichsof la’asof. כמו שאמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה אין אדם יוצא מן העולם וחצי תאוותו בידו.
A person who's living life to fulfill pleasures, to indulge his pleasures will never meet his goal. Why? Because yesh beyado mane when a person has a hundred dollars misaveh la’asos masayim. He wants he wants to double it. hesiga yado masayim his investments are successful מתאווה לעשות ארבע מאות. Again he's looking to double it. vechein kasuv אוהב כסף לא ישבע כסף. Could be and I don't know whether whether this is Rabbeinu Yona intends this or not. So kesef again means silver and since it used to be for the longest of times that the that all currency was based on a silver standard it used to be in the United States that all paper money was backed up by by silver in Fort Knox or something. And and really every time you had a dollar bill what that meant was that the federal government if you went knocking on the door on Fort Knox would give you a certain amount of silver for that for that for that dollar bill. I don't think it works that way anymore but once upon a time it did. So kesef is silver and then by extension kesef means means money because silver was the the core at the core of all of all currency systems. But also that same shoresh as we just had here in the beginning of the paragraph of yichsof. Lavan says to Yaakov Avinu אתה נכסוף נכספת לבית אביך. You have this tremendous desire to go back to your father's house. So lichsof means to desire very strongly, to yearn. Why? Because we have a yetzer hara for money. So the same shoresh for for silver and money is also the shoresh for for yearning, for for a fervent desire that we should be aware that there is a big yetzer hara for money and and we have to we have to keep that in check and and that's what Rabbeinu Yona is saying od yichsof la’asof. He could have, as he's about to quote and as he's about to use, say lehisavos, but what he wants to tell us is no, that that's a natural desire, and a person, this is not some kind of aberration of the yetzer hara. This is a very normal yetzer hara that we have and we should realize that we're susceptible to that yetzer hara. Vashlishis, another reason for that that compels Hillel's אם לא עכשיו אימתי, הזמן מועט והמלאכה מרובה. When a person procrastinates the embarking on this goal of tikun nafshi uvkeviyas itim latorah, so he'll have one less day to devote to that task. If I postpone my goal of tikun amiddos, of tikun hanefesh from today until tomorrow, it means that I'll have one less day to devote to that. But hamelacha merubah, hamelacha merubah, there's so much that needs to be done, וללכת הטוב ותיקון הנפש והשגת המעלות, kemo ha'ahava, what maalos, what are the maalos that we aspire to, that hopefully we're working towards? כמו האהבה והיראה והדביקות, כמו שאמרו זכרונם לברכה, היום קצר והמלאכה מרובה.
So if it's the case that a person needs to walk two miles, okay, sometime between today and next week he needs to walk two miles, so then the truth is if he puts it off a day, it doesn't really prevent him from achieving his goal. His goal is just to walk two miles. But what if his goal to walk over the course of the week is to walk as much as he can, I don't know, close to 5,000 miles? So even if he leaves today, he's not going to get to the end of the goal. So אף על פי כן, he can't afford to postpone tomorrow, because then he'll be even further from his goal at the end. Okay, so we'll stop here, we'll stop here, בלי נדר אם ירצה השם, we'll resume with Avos at around 11:30 or so. Okay, everyone should have a very good, productive morning. Be well, be safe, rabbosai.