Transcript

I have to leave soon, so we're shifting the the order of the the the mussar shmuess and the chaburah on on Ahava Rabbah. So Rabbi Schatz will will give the chaburah on Ahava Rabbah after the after the daily mussar. I'm sorry for the for the change in sequence. Rambam says, keitzad mitvadin? פרק ראשון הלכה א. Keitzad mitvadin?

אומר אנא השם חטאתי עויתי פשעתי לפניך ועשיתי כך וכך והרי ניחמתי ובושתי במעשי ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה. וזהו עיקרו של וידוי.

Rambam's giving us the וכל המרבה להתוודות ומאריך בעניין זה הרי זה משובח. So in the nusach which Rambam gives us, he's telling us what the absolutely essential components of of the viduy are. And in that context, Rambam says that chatati, aviti, and pashati. Okay. Asiti kach v'kach, pirut hachet, nichamti, charata, and u'voshti b'ma'asai. So it's absolutely indispensable that as part of teshuva a person have a sense of busha. A person must have a sense of busha. What does he have to have a sense of busha for? He has to realize, he has to regret, he has to have a kabala l'haba. But what would be if if a person doesn't have a sense of busha? So where where the Rambam got it from is is no mystery. It's it's pesukim, right? We say the pesukim in the selichot.

אלהי בשתי ונכלמתי להרים אלהי פני אליך. כבושת גנב כי ימצא.

So the pesukim clearly emphasize the importance of busha. But why is it again that even when the Rambam is giving us again just the most basic elements of of a viduy which articulates the teshuva process, so busha is is so important? So the answer is, when does a person, when does a person feel busha? When does a person feel shame or humiliation? משל למה הדבר דומה. Let's say, let's say I'm walking into this room. There's no one in the room. And ich veis, my shoelace is untied or whatever, some doofus, some clumsiness, I trip over my own feet. But there's no one in the room. There's no one in the room. So I'll look around quickly, I'll see there's no one in the room and I'm not going to feel embarrassed. If the same, the same clumsiness happens when when the room is full, so then I'm going to I'm going to turn all red and I'm going to feel embarrassed and humiliated. So a person feels shame, a person feels busha, it's an outer-directed feeling or emotion. A person feels busha in the presence of others. Ich veis, pain, it doesn't make a difference whether people are around, people are not around. Okay, how much a person screams maybe depends upon how many people are in the room. But he feels the same the same degree of pain regardless of whether other people are around. That's true for many sensations, many emotions. But the feeling, the emotion of busha is one which is clearly a function, which is clearly a function, it's outer-directed. Hakol lefi hamevayeish and and other such, other such variables. So what am I ashamed about what am I ashamed about when חטאתי עויתי פשעתי לפניך ועשיתי כך וכך בושתי במעשי? No one knows my chata'im, so what am I embarrassed about? No one knows my chata'im. They're all very, they're all very well-hidden. So the answer is that if a person feels busha in the course, in the course of his teshuva, it means that now, now he feels an awareness of שויתי השם לנגדי תמיד. Now a person feels that he's in the presence of of Hashem. of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And the reason, the reason that's absolutely, absolutely indispensable for teshuva is that on one level, and this, this is something that we spoke a little bit about last time also, that on one level there's a common denominator to every cheit. On one level every cheit is different. The yetzer hara for gossip is not the same yetzer hara for I don't know for ma'achalot assurot. Different yetzer haras. And on one level so every cheit represents that a person is succumbing to a different type of yetzer hara and a person has to try to be mesaken that mida. Like why do I have this idle curiosity about people which makes my ears perk up when when when lashon hara is going to be spoken? So why do I have that? A person has to try to be mesaken that. But on another level there's a common denominator to every cheit. And the common denominator to every cheit is that if a person had a proper and adequate awareness of right now being in the presence of Ribono Shel Olam, so never mind that I have a yetzer hara, never mind that I have a weakness for gossip and never mind that I have a yetzer hara that I have a weakness for ma'achalot assurot or histaklut bidvarim assurim. Never mind those yetzer haras. If right now a person had an adequately strong awareness of being in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, that would more than overcome and suppress any such yetzer hara. The common denominator to every cheit is that at that time Hakadosh Baruch Hu was not on the radar screen. Hakadosh Baruch Hu was not on the radar screen. And it's for that reason that you can't have teshuva without busha. Charata, charata means okay it was the wrong thing to do. It says in Shulchan Aruch you're not supposed to do it. I did it. I feel a charata. But if there's no busha so that means that the problem hasn't been addressed. If a person has no more of an awareness of Hakadosh Baruch Hu is no more the presence in one's life after doing the teshuva, then the teshuva wasn't, then the teshuva wasn't adequate. If Hakadosh Baruch Hu is more of a presence in my life, so then of course there's gotta be busha. There's gonna be unbelievable busha. Halevai מורא שמים כמורא בשר ודם, halevai. If if my chato'im would be exposed to people I'd be absolutely humiliated. So if if I'm doing any kind of proper teshuva, so then I have to have that sense of busha as part of the teshuva before Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The emes is that Rabbeinu Yonah really says this. Rabbeinu Yonah you have in in in sha'ar rishon of Sha'arei Teshuva,

ועיקר השישי הבושה כי ענין שנאמר בשתי וגם נכלמתי כי נשאתי חרפת נעורי והנה החוטא יבוש מאד לעבור עבירה לפני בני אדם ויכלם אם ירגישו ויכירו בעבירתו.

People don't when people know that they're doing something osser so people people try to hide it. They camouflage it. They don't do it in public.

ואיך לא יבוש מן השם יתברך? אין זה כי אם לפי היות השם יתברך רחוק מכל יחסו.

Because Hakadosh Baruch Hu is just too distant. He's not he's not in my radar screen. And that's a common denominator of cheit. And that's why teshuva to be mesaken that has to has to include this sense of busha. He goes on to quote the Gemara in Brachot says that כל העושה דבר עבירה ומתבייש בו. The Gemara towards the end of the first perek in in in Brachot that

כל העושה דבר עבירה ומתבייש בו מוחלים לו על כל עונותיו.

So that's incredible. Because a person is ose person is mitbayesh about a cheit, מוחלים לו על כל עונותיו. It's disproportionate. So look at lulai demistafina Rabbeinu Yonah doesn't doesn't talk about this. But lulai demistafina so I would think that there's an intentional double entendre here in Chazal. That כל העושה דבר עבירה ומתבייש בו means that I'm ashamed at this particular ma'aseh aveira that I did. But mitbayesh bo also means כל העושה דבר עבירה person does an aveira mitbayesh bo and and he feels busha because of Hashem. So then he feels busha because of Hashem, so that's a tikun not only for this cheit. That not only addresses this particular cheit which perhaps was the the most immediate trigger and catalyst for why he's he's being mitbayesh, but the busha is because now he feels as part of the teshuva he now feels more of the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Throughout but especially during the Chodesh Elul and then Aseres Yemei Teshuva sometimes when we look to do Teshuva we're too narrow in in how we go about doing Teshuva so we look and and we and we say I spoke Lashon Hara I missed Tefilla B'Tzibbur I I bittul I I got angry and we have we have a list okay pshat so I'm gonna I'm gonna learn Hilchos Chofetz Chaim and and try to be more nizaher on on Shmiras HaLashon and I'm gonna and I'm gonna be more mizdareiz in Tefilla B'Tzibbur and I'm gonna as an extra precaution I'm gonna set my alarm and I'm gonna tell someone else to also double check to make sure that I get up in time to daven B'Tzibbur and and sometimes sometimes we're just so precise in sort of targeting the aveiros that this larger picture and we should be none of that is wrong all that is right if if we're being nichshal in Shmiras HaLashon so we should and and others that's part of the mentioned in sefarim you know that's part of the tikkun is is to learn the the Halachos in that area in which a person was nichshal that is part of the tikkun so none of that is wrong all that is right but that shouldn't exhaust the Teshuva ultimately part of the the Teshuva process is that a person has to recognize that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is just too remote from his thoughts Hakadosh Baruch Hu the ultimate reality Ein Od Milvado is just too distant from my thoughts and and part of what what we are supposed to be trying to accomplish now in in these days in this Eis Ratzon of Teshuva is to reinforce within ourselves the the inyan of שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד the I think the Nesivos Shalom has a very with this I'll I'll end has a very beautiful he'ara he says you look at Hilchos Teshuva of the Rambam so the last last perek in Hilchos Teshuva isn't really about Teshuva it's about Ahavas Hashem you have the Rambam's famous depiction of Ahavas Hashem the Rambam tells us his pshat in what Shir HaShirim is all about and he describes L'shma so what's that doing in Hilchos Teshuva what's that doing in Hilchos Teshuva so Nesivos Shalom says because yeah it's true that that Teshuva is again I spoke Lashon Hara I have to be more nizaher but but that's sort of the let's call that maybe the ma'aseh hamitzvah but what's the ultimate kiyum what what's the ultimate goal and and address and destination ultimate goal and address and destination is שובי ישראל עד ה' אלקיך is that a person should have a sense of kirvas Hakadosh Baruch Hu so we have to realize yeah I have to learn Hilchos I have to learn Chofetz Chaim I have to learn Hilchos Lashon Hara for Shmiras HaLashon but I have to realize in so doing in so doing I'm trying to deepen and intensify my awareness of שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד that's the ultimate goal of Teshuva and that's the ultimate tikkun for the the common denominator of every cheit of היות ה' יתברך רחוק מכליותיו.