Let me just very briefly share one quick idea. In Parshat Shemot the pasuk reads דבר נא באזני העם וישאלו איש מאת רעהו ואשה מאת רעותה כלי כסף וכלי זהב.
So Chazal comment that אין נא אלא לשון בקשה, right? Na actually has two meanings: it means lashon bakasha, it also means now. Sometimes Onkelos translates it as please and sometimes ka'an, now. But in this context ein na Chazal say ela lashon bakasha, it has that meaning that kavayachol Hakadosh Baruch Hu is saying please ask Bnei Yisrael, tell Moshe Rabbeinu, please ask Bnei Yisrael they should do Me a tova and they should take from the Mitzrim the כלי כסף וכלי זהב שלא יאמר אותו צדיק that Avraham Avinu won't be able to say that ועבדום וענו אתם קיים בהם ואחרי כן יצאו ברכוש גדול לא קיים בהם.
So Hakadosh Baruch Hu's makpid here to say please. Okay, so it doesn't need too much commentary. Vehalachta bidrachav, the Midrash says in Parshat Bechukotai that all the mitzvot are described as the ways of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, im bechukotai teleichu, because that reinforces every mitzvah. If every mitzvah is derech Hashem, so then every mitzvah is reinforced because by vehalachta bidrachav, so vehalachta bidrachav reinforces, reiterates every mitzvah. Okay, so Hakadosh Baruch Hu is giving us an example of to speak courteously, to speak nicely. But there's a deeper understanding to the significance of that, and that is as follows. Now in general obviously by all mitzvot haTorah it doesn't say daber na, it doesn't say that you know daber Bnei Yisrael, דבר נא אל בני ישראל ועשו להם ציצית, right? Just says daber Bnei Yisrael ve'asu lahem tzitzit, right? So every mitzvah is obviously not going to be an appropriate occasion because part of doing a mitzvah even when a person does a mitzvah lishma, even when a halevai that we should do mitzvot me'ahava lishma, but a person is supposed to feel that he's a metzuveh. Part of an integral part of one's kiyum hamitzvot, even when one does it lishma, even when one does it me'ahava, is that a person has to feel that he's a metzuveh. That just parenthetically is perhaps an answer to Tosafot's kasha. Tosafot in Shabbat ask why was it necessary כפה עליהם הר כגיגית, so why was that necessary? We had accepted the Torah willingly. So Tosafot says mishema maybe we were going to retract that kabbalah. Some answer based on the Midrash Tanchuma, Torah shebichtav, Torah sheba'al peh. But itachen that the pshat is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted that kabbalat haTorah should be both voluntary as well as as a result of kfiyah, representing the fact that when a person does a mitzvah, on the one hand a person should do it because he wants to do it, willingly, voluntarily, if that's ratzon Hashem I want to do it, not because I feel obligated but because I want to, but at the same time at the same time one's relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu has to be that of a metzaveh with a metzuveh, and a person has to feel a metzuveh. That's an integral part of understanding one's relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So ordinarily a mitzvah's not going to be belashon na because adaraba a person is supposed to feel that he's a metzuveh. Over here daber na because again Hakadosh Baruch Hu kavayachol here we're doing Him a favor, right? We were doing Him a favor שלא יאמר אותו צדיק. So what's the point? The point is this: even though Hakadosh Baruch Hu clearly was in a position to dictate what we should do without saying a lashon na, so the answer is that the basic lesson of kevod habriyot is that a person is never supposed to view another person as a means or an instrument. That what kavod habriyot means is that every person has again an intrinsic, inestimable value and that we can't treat another person simply as a means, as an instrument. And that's basically what the yesod of kavod habriyot is. And that's basically what the famous mishna in Sanhedrin is saying, לפיכך נברא אדם יחידי, that everyone should say bishvili nivra haolam. If bishvili nivra haolam, so then that clearly means that if every person is an equal heir to Adam Harishon's position, that bishvili nivra haolam, so that means that no person is simply a means and no person is simply an instrument. Reuven doesn't exist just to be meshamesh Shimon. And Shimon has to have that yachas towards Reuven. And that's what the essence of kavod habriyot is. Never to take another person for granted, never to take his service for granted. Sometimes we sort of erroneously think, well if the other person is obligated to be doing it, so what do I have to have hakarat hatov, what do I have to acknowledge him? Let's say a person has a job as a waiter. So then it's his job to be, if I'm at a wedding, so it's his job to be filling my glass with water and it's his job to be serving the courses. So the answer is the fact that it's his job notwithstanding, so it's our job, it's our obligation to listen to anything Hakadosh Baruch Hu says. ואף על פי כן, Hakadosh Baruch Hu says דבר נא באזני העם, kavyachol, you're doing something for me. So despite the fact that it's your responsibility, that it's your obligation, so kavod habriyot demands that a person be given that hakarat hatov. And this is certainly one of the, there are many elements, many dimensions to why hakarat hatov is so important, but this is one of them. Because if a person is a kfui tova, so then that means that he sees the other person again just as a means, as an instrument. And that's the antithesis of kavod habriyot. A person is never a means, a person is never an instrument, every person is an end unto himself. לפיכך נברא אדם יחידי that everyone should say that haolam nivra bishvili and we should each have that perspective on the other as well. A waiter brings us a drink at a wedding, so we should say thank you. And if we want him to get something it should be please. The fact that he's, that it's his job and the fact that he's contractually required to provide this service doesn't mean that the kavod habriyot shouldn't be there. Another way in which we often take each other for granted and use each other, and again use with the negative in a pejorative, negative sense. And here I'll just tell you a maaseh shehaya. Bedidi hava uvda. The Rav zichrono livracha used to say when he would talk in his drashot and he would reminisce or he would talk about some experience he had, he would say that not because my experiences are any more valid or any more normative than anyone else's, but I have no one else's experiences to draw upon. Those, that's what I have available to me. So a talmid once came and wanted to talk. So it was a very busy time, very difficult time to talk. So I told him, you know, in a day or two we'll be able to find time im yirtze Hashem. So this is a maaseh of several years ago, I don't think anyone can understand who I'm talking about, so I'll tell you some of the details just because it's relevant. So he tells me no, today is actually, tomorrow he has to make a decision, he has to decide whether to go to this program or that program and there's he doesn't know, he's not at all sure. פנים לכאן פנים לכאן. Doesn't know which program to go to. Okay, fine, so it's a zman grama, so he calls me 11 o'clock at night and we talk on the phone till a late hour. And at the end of the conversation there was just one or two pieces of information which he still had to get, but otherwise... The issues were framed and then he was going to be poised to make a decision. So I told him, "So you'll let me know, you'll let me know how things work out." So ad hayom hazeh never heard from the guy again. Ad hayom hazeh. So what's the point? The point is not that the point is not that when we do chesed with someone that we do it to be appreciated. No, that's not the point. But the point is in terms of looking to see the midos which Bnei Torah have, it was a very it was a very discouraging experience in terms of seeing midos of Bnei Torah, one particular one, or a Ben Yeshiva, because if you if you come to someone, right? So if you're just using the person because you think maybe the person can has something to say which might be might be helpful. Okay, so you sort of squeeze whatever you can and finished and finished. But if it's a personal relationship, because and that's what it has to be, because otherwise we're using a person, again which is the antithesis of kavod habrios, it's דבר נא באזני העם, there's no such thing as reducing another person to a means or an instrument of my attaining or achieving the end that I want. No, you're interacting with another person, you're interacting with another person, so it's part of a relationship. So then you have to have the mentchlichkeit to say thank you very much and and as a result, so this was the decision which which seemed to which seemed to be the right thing. And when that doesn't happen, so again it's not a question of the reason we have to follow up on things or the reason we have to have hakaras hatov is not because the other person's waiting for it, not because the other person needs it, but because otherwise again what you're doing is you're reducing the other person to a to a means, to an implement, to an instrument, and that's the antithesis of kavod habrios. And incha nami, so you have to use you have to use your common sense. Let's say you go see a you go see a professional and and it was a professional relationship and you're paying, so mistama he doesn't want you to call him up necessarily and if it's not billable, so he doesn't necessarily want you to call him up and say thank you. So obviously it has to be adjusted to the to the situation, but the yesod is clear. Another example also, when parents talk to children. Okay, so there's a mitzvah of כיבוד אב ואם מן התורה which it's virtually impossible to exaggerate the the obligations which that imposes upon us as as children. Right, Abaye, the Gemara in Kiddushin says that Abaye thanks Hakadosh Baruch Hu that he was born an orphan. Right, his father died after he was conceived and then his mother died in childbirth, so Abaye was was yasom me'av ve'im. So he says Abaye's roshei teivos is אשר בך ירוחם יתום. So Abaye says teisei li that that it was a it was a chesed that I didn't have parents because how would I ever have been properly adequately mekayem the mitzvah of kibud av va'em? So there's no question there's no question that kibud av va'em again there's a tremendous obligation, hischayvus that we have as children to our parents. So so now what does that mean, let's say when we're now on the other side of the when on the other side of the desk as parents to children? So does that mean that you say do this, get this, come here? Not at all. It doesn't mean that at all. The fact the fact that the child again has a mitzvah of kibud av va'em, okay, so the weight is also getting paid, and Klal Yisrael are also mechuyavim to do whatever the Ribono Shel Olam says. The Ribono Shel Olam sustains us with every breath, and nevertheless the Ribono Shel Olam says kavyachol you're doing me a tovah, kavyachol you're doing something for me, so never mind that you're obligated to do it. דבר נא באזני העם, it has to be belashon shel bakasha. So when we talk to our children, it has to be the same way, in addition to the fact that if we don't show them how to how to talk with again באופן של כבוד הבריות in a proper fashion, how are they going to how are they going to learn? Again, it has to be דבר נא באזני העם. And finally, all these ideas that we're talking about are just one example of a yesod gadol which both the Gaon and the Baal HaTanya say in in explaining the famous Gemara in Shabbos where the ger comes to Shammai and then to Hillel and says למדני כל התורה כולה כשאני עומד על רגל אחת. So Shammai throws him out and then Hillel tells him מאי דסני לך לחברך לא תעביד ואידך זיל גמור. So the obvious question which Rashi already is bothered with is so how could how could Hillel oversimplify... of Torah and tell him that this is really the yesod of all of Torah. So Rashi says because when Hillel is paraphrasing v'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha, he doesn't mean rea as a human rea, but he means reiacha v'rei avicha, the pasuk in Mishlei, and that it really refers to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And basically he's telling him you have to do ratzon Hashem. ve'idach zil g'mor and now go go learn all the ד' חלקי שולחן ערוך and you'll know what what you'll get a head start on knowing what what ratzon Hashem is. But the Baal HaTanya and the Vilna Gaon say no, the pshat is like this. What does the ger mean? That the ger is he's stam a letz when he says למדני כל התורה כולה כשאני עומד על רגל אחת? So the ger is saying like this, the Mishna says that על שלשה דברים העולם עומד, right? על התורה על העבודה וגמילות חסדים. There are three legs, three pillars which uphold the world. The ger wants to know, he says I want it reduced even more, I want it reduced to one. That's what it means למדני על רגל אחת. So Shammai tells him it can't be reduced to one, there's three, there isn't one, so he throws him out. And then Hillel is then telling him no, of the three of Torah, avodah, gemilus chasadim, it's takeh gemilus chasadim. Okay, so that's a gevaldige pshat, but but what does it mean? How can Hillel reduce that Gemara even further? So it's quite clear the Gaon k'darko says it very, very tersely, the Baal HaTanya elaborates it a little bit, but it's quite clear that what they're both saying is that from a person's and within a person's bein adam l'chavero, so his bein adam l'makom is also nikkar. And that to the extent that there are chesronos in our bein adam l'chavero, so that reflects that there's as much of a problem in our bein adam l'makom in terms of its application to this case. Anyone who who has a sense of shiflus and hachna'ah before Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who who has a proper feeling engendered by bein adam l'makom, so it should be impossible, it should be impossible for him to have an attitude to his fellow man, bein adam l'chavero, to treat that person again as a means, as an implement, as an instrument. If a person is, again, his feeling, his way of thinking is one of shiflus and hachna'ah, so then that has to reflect itself in how he deals with his fellow man as well, and that's the v'halachta bidrachav which Hakadosh Baruch Hu illustrates for us in דבר נא באזני העם.