Last week we looked at a little bit of the Igeres HaRamban. Ramban gives hadracha, he says that a person should always talk be'nachas and so doing will be nitzol min haka'as. Once he's nitzol min haka'as, יעלה על לבו מדת הענוה. As a consequence to יעלה על לבו מדת הענוה is יעלה על לבו מדת היראה and ultimately yishamer min hachait and he'll be זוכה לחיי עולם הבא, he'll be zoiche l'hashras hashchina. That's the path which the Ramban paves. That's the hadracha which he provides in the Igeres HaRamban. How do we reconcile this with the beraisa of Pinchas ben Yair around which the Mesilas Yesharim structured his sefer? It seems like the Ramban fast-forwarded it, he cheated a little bit, no? He jumped all the way to anava. He jumped all the way to anava, what happens to zehiros and zerizus and all the amol and yegia before the anava? No, fast-forwarded. Right away he's holding, he's talking be'nachas, fine, he's already holding by anava. So how do we reconcile that? Well, last week we had occasion to mention from the Mesilas Yesharim the line in where the Mesilas Yesharim is talking about anava, how if a person will reflect on the fact that he is פחות וגרוע ונבזה מצד עצמו, טמא ומגואל מצד מעשיו, so right away that instills within a person a sense of anava. It just obliterates any vestiges of ga'avah, of gasus haruach. Akavya ben Mahalalel oimer הסתכל בשלושה דברים ואי אתה בא לידי עבירה, מאין באת ולאן אתה הולך ולפני מי אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון.
Kahena v'kahena, whether in Chazal, whether in sifrei mussar. Question is, don't these statements at a certain point become depressing? And it obviously is an unacceptable and wrong conclusion that a person is supposed to be depressed. תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה. עבדו את ה' בשמחה.
A person has to be עומד להתפלל מתוך שמחה של מצוה. The highest madreigos a person achieves, the nevuah is only shoreh mitoch simcha. So obviously a person isn't supposed to be depressed. And yet, at a certain point, it does seem to engender feelings of depression. So I just want to share with you one or two fragmented thoughts. We're all familiar with the pasuk of חנוך לנער על פי דרכו. We're also all familiar with what, for instance, the Chovas HaTalmidim, but by no means is he the only one, who accentuates the חנוך לנער על פי דרכו, that a person has to be mechanech a child al pi darko, according to the derech which is appropriate for that child. It has to be individualized. There's no such thing as a uniform mold, no such thing as a totally generic form of chinuch. It has to be tailored, it has to be individualized. That's what every mechanech in a classroom setting struggles with, because it's impossible to do that completely, maybe even adequately, in a classroom setting. So that's the difference. Difficulty, which is, which is sort of built in to, to the chinuch system, but that's for another time. חנוך לנער על פי דרכו, the way one is mechanech a child, it has to be individualized. Sometimes you see children very, very strong-willed, maybe wild in addition, and they need a firm hand, a firm hand. The chinuch, the discipline has to be firm. Other times you see children, they also need, they also need chinuch, they also need guidance, but very adin nefesh, very adel, very delicate. So they need a gentle hand even in terms of how, how, how you mechanech. Now what happens when, when these, when these children grow up? So these children grow up, so the differences evaporate and everyone becomes the same? So obviously not. Chush me'id that isn't the case. And Chazal confirmed that for us that כשם שפרצופיהם שונים כך דעותיהם שונות. The same way no two people look alike, so no two people react identically, think identically, function identically. Everyone is, everyone is a yachid, everyone, everyone is a unique individual. Now chinuch we, we associate with youth, חנוך לנער על פי דרכו. But as we get older, so perhaps we don't describe it as chinuch, but unquestionably as we get older, there's still a very real and vital need for a person to be mashgiach al atzmo, a person to be mechazek himself, a person to be me'orer himself. Person has to make cheshbon hanefesh. Is'o shom bagemorah על כן יאמרו המושלים בואו חשבון בואו ונחשב חשבונו של עולם.
And lichora, lichora it's a davar pashut that the same way beniaruso the derech hachinuch has to be tailored and individualized to the נער על פי דרכו, so too begadlus and ad yemei ziknuso, the way a person is mashgiach al atzmo, the way he's mechazek es atzmo, the way he's me'orer es atzmo also has to be al pi darko. The individuality isn't, isn't lost as a person matures and as a person gets older. The individuality is still there. If the individuality is still there, the need for al pi darko is every bit as real and every bit as vital as it was beniaruso. The question that we asked, isn't there potential for the hisbonenus on דע מאין באת ולאן אתה הולך ולפני מי אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון,
the person should know that he's פחות וגרוע ונבזה מצד עצמו טמא ומגואל מצד מעשיו, isn't there potential for this at a certain point to induce depression? The answer is yes, there is such a potential. And if that's the effect that it has on a person, so then that's an indication that the person is not being mashgiach al atzmo, mechazek es atzmo, or me'orer es atzmo al pi darko. What the precise proportions are, exactly how the prescription is written, so that has to be al pi darko. That's one of the many, many things that a person has to know. another element, another aspect of that self-knowledge that a person has to acquire in order to be oved Hashem is a person has to know. So when he's, so when he's a na'ar, so then it's his parents' obligation and their responsibility to understand what the derech of the na'ar is. But when he's not a na'ar, when he's a gadol, when he's a zaken, so then it's one's own responsibility to know what darko is and what the correct way is for that person, again, to lehashpia al atzmo, lehachazek et atzmo, leorer et atzmo. So maybe that means that what works for me is to listen to music tapes all day long. And maybe that's what galvanizes me, that's what energizes me. And so maybe maybe that's my. So while others are learning Mussar Seder, I'm going to be tapping my, so fill in the blank, choose your favorite music tape. So lichora, there are certain least common denominators. There is a certain tzad hashaveh. At the very least, at the very least we find Chazal introduced that one of the basic awarenesses, and again exactly how this prescription should be written beyond the tzad hashaveh, beyond the least common denominator, is part of a person's avoda of self-knowledge to know. But clearly one, let's say element that we associate with classical Mussar, which to some degree in some proportion has to be present in a person's spiritual diet, a person has to have an awareness of his own mortality. A person has to have an awareness of yom hamisa. Why is that so absolutely indispensable? It's absolutely indispensable, I think we spoke about it on another occasion, because in order to have a sense of yakrus hazman, in order to appreciate the value of time, in order to use time a person has to recognize that time is limited. If a person has a sense of time being unlimited, and sometimes when we're young we fall into that trap, a sense of time just being unlimited. So what's unlimited has no value. It has no value. There's no rush, there's plenty of time because it's unlimited. To have a sense of yakrus hazman, and if there's no sense of yakrus hazman, a person can't take advantage, can't utilize time unless there's a sense of yakrus hazman. It's impossible to have a sense of yakrus hazman unless a person recognizes that time is limited. So because of that, again regardless of what one's individual derech is, what דרכו של כל יחיד ויחיד is, but there has to be an awareness of yom hamisa. How, besides the fact that the sevara is compelling, how do we know it? So we know it when you say Hamapil at night, you say Hamapil at night. So if assuming that on some level one reacts to what one is saying and it registers. So והאר עיני פן אישן המות. Okay, so it's there as a bakasha and in making that bakasha there's an awareness. There's an awareness that one can't take for granted that one wakes up in the morning. There is such an awareness. And at the other end, in the morning when the Chazal introduced the bracha of Elokai Neshama, of המחזיר נשמות לפגרים מתים, so it's not only a bracha about the techiyas hameisim of le'asid lavo, it's a bracha about the me'ein techiyas hameisim that a person experiences every morning when he wakes up. So lichora that least common denominator is that in the morning when a person wakes. And this generates the minhag of Modeh Ani, that it doesn't even wait until a person gets to the bracha of Elokai Neshamah. Is there an awareness again that time is limited and that a person can't take time for granted? And that awareness again is something that we have to focus on again minimally at night. And that would seem to be the least common denominator of a derech of a person. Now does it mean that a person is supposed to be misbonen on this over the course of the day? So there l'chora already is al pi darko, al pi darko. For some person it may be tremendously motivating and galvanizing, and for someone else it may be already crossing the line of having an indispensable fundamental awareness and it may be crossing the line into engendering feelings of depression. The way Hakadosh Baruch Hu bechochmaso created us, so we have a capacity that once the root of something is established within us, once something strikes root, strikes roots, so then what that yields we can be consciously aware of even without being consciously aware of what originally generated it. Case in point, the sense of yekras hazman is rooted in this awareness of mortality, but that doesn't mean that in order for a person to go through the day consciously with a sense of yekras hazman that he has to consciously be meditating on mortality. It's not at all the case, it's not at all the case. משל למה הדבר דומה. You can have someone who suffers from low self-esteem. Why does he suffer from low self-esteem? Because in his childhood he was constantly criticized. So the root of the low self-esteem was that experience. So that's buried deep, and then closer to the surface, maybe on the surface, are those feelings of the low self-esteem. And that's the way our psyche works, that's the way our psyche operates, that you don't have to be consciously aware of the root of something in order to be consciously aware of its yield. And the same is true here. So a person can effectively generate within himself a conscious awareness of yekras hazman, time is precious, time is precious, he doesn't have to be, that doesn't mean that he has to be or al pi darko it doesn't mean that he should be or that it's appropriate for him to be thinking all the time about what underlies that sense of yekras hazman, what generates that yekras hazman. Another mashal just to illustrate it. A person can be given a certain restricted diet. Maybe there's a history of cardiac disease in the family. So he's told to avoid the red meat and maybe to avoid eggs, and he's put on a very careful diet. At one point, so the doctor has to talk to him very straight and the doctor has to tell him, look, there is this familial predisposition, there is a greater risk factor that you have as opposed to the general population, and that's the root, that's the root, and now the awareness which you have to have which stems from that root is you have to know that you're going to get chicken, you're going to opt for the chicken on the menu, you're not going to opt for the red meat on the menu, and you're going to eat the cold cereal in the morning, you're not going to eat the eggs. A person can and easily does maintain that awareness to be careful with a diet even though he's not consciously thinking gevald gevald am I going to have a Am I going to have a heart attack today or something rachmana litzlan. A person can't live and shouldn't live with that type of sense of pressure and impending doom. But that root can be there and generate a very healthy awareness. So the least common denominator here seems to be easy to determine, to calibrate, because we see that Chazal in terms of just the brachos have us reflect on it minimally morning and night. Should a person reflect on it more than that? Al pi darko. Al pi darko. Are you supposed to yell at the child or are you supposed to take the child on your lap and talk to him? Al pi darko. Al pi darko. Another basic awareness that we also associate with classical mussar, which again, has to be present in everyone's spiritual mix, in everyone's spiritual diet, even when it's individualized, even when it's al pi darko, a person has to have a sense of yiras ha-onesh. When the Rambam and the Chinuch list yiras Hashem in the minyan ha-mitzvos, they list it not for yiras ha-romemus, they list it for yiras ha-onesh, she-yira bias onsho. A person is supposed to be afraid, supposed to be afraid of punishment for doing chatoim. Now this also at a certain point, depending upon the yachid, can become overbearing, it can become overwhelming. But here too again, it's the same dynamic. If a person has yiras ha-onesh, so what that engenders within a person is a sense of accountability, a sense of accountability. Now just as we were discussing before in terms of the sense of yekarus ha-zman, which is rooted in one's sense of mortality, that the sense of yekarus ha-zman can be conscious without meditating on yom ha-misa, and should be conscious without meditating on yom ha-misa. The same is true that at a certain point a person has to meditate on yiras ha-onesh. A person has to meditate on it. But the sense of accountability and responsibility which that should and does engender is one which can and should be operative and conscious even when a person is not thinking about ייסורי גיהנום רחמנא ליצלן. A person can't, most people can't live with that 24/7. But we do have to live with a sense of accountability and a sense of responsibility 24/7. משל למה הדבר דומה, you have children in a classroom. At a certain point, so right, if you're going to chinuch, so if you have a good principal, so the principal will give you an eitzah that you have to establish control in the classroom. You have to establish control. Once you establish control, so then you can be as informal as you want, as the occasion allows for. But they have to know that it's not hefker, they have to know that it's not Sodom and Gomorrah. So at a certain point that's established. And then so the students get that message, they assimilate that message. Then there's a certain restraint that the children, that the students in the class demonstrate. They're not thinking the whole time gevalt, lightning is going to strike us and we're going to get in big trouble with the teacher. But there's a sense of restraint, there's a sense of accountability. There's a sense that I need permission to leave the classroom. I know I need permission to leave the classroom because once upon a time the teacher gave us a musar shmuuz about how we're not allowed to do it without permission and what's going to happen to us if we don't. But then that engenders within me again on a level and layer of consciousness which is closer to the surface a sense of responsibility, a sense of achrayus, a sense of discipline. The same thing is true in terms of what the mix in terms of what the least common denominator is in yiras haonesh, it's a mitzvas asei. And what Rav Yisrael Salanter writes is well known that everyone needs that stage of yiras haonesh. Now no one begins as such a lamdan that they can relate right away to yiras haromemus. לעולם יעסוק אדם בתורה ומצוות שלא לשמה שמתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה.
Everyone needs it. It's also part of everyone's spiritual diet. How much? How much? Al pi darko. But the least common denominator is enough that it can engender within us a constant awareness of accountability, a constant sense the teacher has to say enough and has to say it enough times that the children know that they have to act with restraint within the classroom. He doesn't need to say it any more than that. Maybe judging on the children, if he thinks that saying it an extra time will galvanize them even more, will motivate them even more, he'll do it. But it could be counterproductive also. The third element of classical musar that I'd just like to mention for tonight: there has to be some time again enough to engender a certain awareness. Everyone has a yetzer hara for physical pleasure, for taanugim. Everyone has such a yetzer hara. The Gemara says without the yetzer hara so the world wouldn't exist anymore. The world wouldn't exist anymore. So everyone has that yetzer hara. If everyone has that yetzer hara, so that means that everyone within their spiritual mix, within their spiritual diet, has to have a counterforce to that yetzer hara. A person has to again al pi darko, a person has to spend some time contemplating שקר החן והבל היופי. A person has to spend some time contemplating the hevel of taanugei olam hazeh which are not being used, which are not warranted, which are not mandated by avodas Hashem. Because if a person doesn't spend any time contemplating that, so then there's no counterforce to that yetzer hara. לעולם ירגיז אדם יצר טוב על יצר הרע. The yetzer hara is always percolating and there has to be a counterforce. How much of a counterforce is al pi darko. In terms of the original question with which we began, I don't know if this last point is correct, I think that what we've been discussing until now is, but maybe based on that, the answer is the Ramban writes hadracha to his son, it doesn't seem to correspond to Pinchas ben Yair's path. So teretz is, there isn't just one derech. There's a derech of the Igeres HaRamban and there's another derech. of Pinchas Ben Yair, and there are different drachim, and it has to be that way. It has to be that way because since חנוך לנער על פי דרכו גם כי יזקין, it's still gonna be al pi darko. So there isn't one derech. There are common aspects that there are tzadim hashovim within each of the drachim, but there can't be one and therefore there's no reason to expect that in terms of hadracha that the hadracha is going to be one and the same. The hadracha has to be tailored and individualized to the yachid.