The many ways of characterizing Chodesh Elul and our avodah during Chodesh Elul. One of them is that Chodesh Elul is a time when a person has to think and think deeply. What does that mean? One of the elements of teshuvah, one of the ikarei hateshuvah, is a sense of charata. Now, that charata, remorse, not only regret but remorse, closely related to it, we'll see in the Rabbeinu Yonah, im yirtzeh Hashem, shortly, a sense of yagon, of sorrow, of anguish, requires that a person think and think deeply. And the reason for that is that if we don't reflect on cheit, if we don't reflect on the magnitude of cheit, we can't respond appropriately. We can't respond adequately. If rachmana litzlan I should embarrass someone in public, I should humiliate him, but the only thing I recognize is that I wasn't totally sensitive to his feelings, so I'll go over and I'll apologize and I'll say to him, "You know, I think maybe what I said to you the other day was a touch insensitive, maybe there was something lacking in the refinement of my comment." So what kind of bakashas mechila is that? What kind of teshuvah is it? So I'm asking for mechila for something different than what I did. So in a similar sense, the charata has to line up, it has to be commensurate with the reality of cheit, with the magnitude of cheit. And that requires that we think deeply. What should we think about? So we'll mention three things. Again, not necessarily exhaustive, we'll mention three things. Rabbeinu Yonah in the very first of the ikarei hateshuvah that he lists: v'ha'ikar harishon hacharata, the first principle, regret. יבין לבבו כי רע ומר עזבו את ה' וישב אל לבו כי יש עונש ונקם ושילם על אדם.
One must understand in his heart that his having left Hashem is evil and bitter. He must affirm within his heart the idea that punishment exists and sins are avenged. As it is said, vengeance is mine and recompense. A person should think and reflect on the magnitude of the self-destructiveness of cheit. That's the first thing Rabbeinu Yonah would have us meditate upon, to think about the magnitude of the self-destructiveness of cheit. כי רע ומר עזבו את ה'. Ha'ikar hashlishi. Hayagon, the third principle, sorrow. Ishtonen kilyosov veyachshov. He must think, he must be stung to his very depths and reflect, yachshov, כמה רבות כמה רבות כמה רעות הממרה את פי יוצרו.
He must reflect upon the immensity of the evil of one who has rebelled against his creator. לא זכר יוצרו אשר בראו יש מאין וחסד עשה עמו וידו תנחהו בכל עת ונוצר נפשו בכל רגע ואיך מלאו לבו להכעיס לפניו.
So the second point or the second focus of reflection according to Rabbenu Yona is the severity of what it means to be chotei, of what it means to Rachmana litzlan disregard ratzon Hashem. A third focus for our thoughts, the Nefesh Hachayim in shaar alef. היוצר יחד לבם המבין אל כל מעשיהם. So the Nefesh Hachayim says the pasuk should have said המבין את כל מעשיהם. Right? You understand something, you don't use the preposition 'el'. It should have been היוצר יחד לבם המבין את כל מעשיהם. Hakadosh Baruch Hu understands, He formed our hearts, so He understands our actions. Says Rav Chaim Volozhiner, המבין אל כל מעשיהם means that Hakadosh Baruch Hu understands the consequences, the reverberations, the fallout from our actions. And that's what Hakadosh Baruch Hu views and judges, not just that I'm sitting here and I'm doing this, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu המבין אל כל מעשיהם, the literally cosmic repercussions which the Nefesh Hachayim of course describes. How much is a person supposed to think about these things? How much? Basically, what it amounts to, the first thing Rabbenu Yona speaks about is yiras ha'onesh, the second is yiras hachet. But how much? How much are we supposed to think about it? It is possible, literally, for a person to drive himself crazy in thinking about these things. Literally. Literally, a person could be mishtageia in if he is misbonen excessively about any of these three and על אחת כמה וכמה all three taken together. Simultaneously, while thinking, while having an awareness of these three, a person has to be aware that our capacity for teshuvah is greater and stronger than our capacity for cheit. And the reason for that is very simple, that הבא ליטמא פותחין לו, but הבא ליטהר מסייעין לו. We don't, we're not given any assistance in being chotei. That we have to do and accomplish independently. But הבא ליטהר מסייעין לו. There's a special siyata d'shmaya that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives when a person comes litaher. is greater than the koach that that that that he has to be chotei. Person has to maintain that perspective and that understanding. My brother told me he heard that the following very beautiful story on on a tape from the Talner Rebbe in Yerushalayim. He he told the following story that he was he he was presented, he was a a shaliach to present the following the following quandary to the Gerer Rebbe, to the Beis Yisrael. He received a letter from a friend of his who had been approached by someone, I don't know if it was another friend or a talmid, that rachmana litzlan, he had this terrible desire to shmad. Terrible desire to shmad. And and he felt that that that that drive becoming increasingly stronger and stronger and he was obviously terrified by it, but but didn't know what to do about it. So he asked him to go into the into the Gerer Rebbe, to go into the Beis Yisrael. The Beis Yisrael should tell him what what to do, how to how to save his how to save his soul. So when he presented it to the Beis Yisrael, the Beis Yisrael was very, again, understandably and on on the level that an adam gadol feels, very, very pained, devastated by the question. And he began pacing back and forth, think. Then he asks for a Gemara Shabbos. Opens the Gemara Shabbos, points to the ma'amar that כל העונה אמן יהא שמיה רבא בכל כוחו אפילו יש בו שמץ עבודה זרה כדורו של אנוש מוחלין לו.
So that ma'amar Chazal that כל העונה אמן יהא שמיה רבא בכל כוחו אפילו יש בו שמץ עבודה זרה כדורו של אנוש מוחלין לו.
And he says: What's the limud from this Gemara? What's the limud from this Gemara? So the Talner Rebbe who's telling the story says in a self-deprecating fashion that he answered: Well, the limud from this Gemara is that if a person answers אמן יהא שמיה רבא בכל כוחו his even if there's a shemetz avodah zarah is mochalin. So the Gerer Rebbe says: No. And says again: What's the limud from the Gemara? So the Gerer Rebbe says the limud from the Gemara is that even if a person has a shemetz avodah zarah, he's capable of answering אמן יהא שמיה רבא בכל כוחו. That's the limud from the Gemara. Even if he has that shemetz avodah zarah in him, so rachmana litzlan, so so far that a Jew already has a shemetz avodah zarah, אף על פי כן he still has that capacity, that ability to to be oneh אמן יהא שמיה רבא בכל כוחו. So we do over the course of Chodesh Elul have to think, as Rabbeinu Yonah tells us, about godel hachet. But only to the extent and to the degree that we're able to simultaneously think about גודל כוח התשובה מכוח החטא that אפילו יש בו שמץ עבודה זרה is yachol la'anos אמן יהא שמיה רבא בכל כוחו. How much that is mistama is going to vary from from individual to individual. How much how much a person can be misbonein in godel hacheit before before it eclipses these other other machshovos is going to vary from individual to individual and a person has to dvarim hamsurim lalev. And maybe this this tension or this dialectic between on the one hand being misbonein in godel hacheit, but on the other hand retaining the optimism of godel koach hateshuva is captured, the Meor Einayim quotes in the Baal Shem Tov that the Baal Shem Tov says doesn't say anywhere that when the Torah's mandate of תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב
that a person has to be oved Hashem besimcha, doesn't say anywhere that mitzvas teshuvah is an exception. Doesn't say anywhere, says the בעל שם טוב הקדוש, mitzvas teshuvah isn't an exception. The same way a person is supposed to not just be oved Hashem but be oved Hashem besimcha, the same way that's true for being misaitef betalis and hanachas tefillin and birchas hamazon and it's true for mitzvas mitzvas teshuvah as well. So the thought of chodesh Elul is the thought about godel hacheit, the thought about godel koach hateshuva, and the avodah is to make sure that those two remain balanced. And yes to to be misaimeik and be misbonein as deeply as we can as long as as we maintain that that that again balance and and fruitful tension between those two machshovos, the machshava about cheit, the machshava about the ability, the capacity for teshuvah. It's interesting that the same Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuvah, just one one final hearah, the same Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuvah, Shaarei Teshuvah is very heavy. Again once you have to you have to get beyond the ikar harishon and you're already you're already wondering how much you know if a person is really taking it to heart you know it's already it's already taking its toll. The same Rabbeinu Yonah when he gets in shaar revi'i, when he gives the the different explanations for the mitzvas achilah on erev Yom Kippur. So one of the reasons kayaduah that Rabbeinu Yonah suggests for the mitzvas achilah on tish'i is the simcha at the impending mechilas avonos. So it means that all the the the hisbonenus about godel hacheit, chomer hacheit, everything notwithstanding, or or maybe the the better way to say it is because of that, so that that results in this optimism and this sense of bitachon that that there will be a mechilas avonos. It's foolish to only have that sense of simcha without without being misbonein. It's psychologically dangerous to only be misbonein in godel hacheit without having that that conviction and that that sense of optimism which mitzvas simcha according to Rabbeinu Yonah on erev Yom Kippur points to, and the avodah of chodesh Elul is to think about both and and to combine them.