Ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha. Ramban comments v'ta'am Ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha haflaga. Initially the Ramban says that the Torah is intentionally exaggerating, similar to what Chazal say דיברה תורה בלשון הבאי as it were. How do I know that? says the Ramban. כי לא יקבל לב האדם שיאהב את חברו כאהבת נפשו.
It's psychologically, emotionally impossible that a person that a person's love for others should match his self-love. And says the Ramban this is embodied in a halacha. ועוד שכבר בא רבי עקיבא ולימד חייך קודמין לחיי חברך. אלא תצוה התורה שיהיה אוהב חברו בכל עניין כאשר אוהב את נפשו בכל הטוב.
Rather Ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha doesn't translate as love thy neighbor as thyself but love thy neighbor in all respects in which you love yourself. So extraordinary. Hakadosh Baruch Hu created us in such a way that our self-love is unequaled by any other love. We think generally think of love in very noble altruistic terms. There doesn't seem to be very much that's especially noble or altruistic about self-love. So what what are we to make of this? Obviously כל מה דעביד רחמנא לטב עביד. So obviously this is right as right as can be, this is good as good as it can be. How do we process? Where where else do we encounter profound, deep, intense love? Parental love. What's pshat? So clearly a child comes into the world, first as a neonate, throughout infancy, throughout childhood, until the child reaches adulthood and is able to be self-sufficient, religiously, emotionally, financially, so the child is dependent upon his or her parents. And it requires tremendous sacrifice on the parents' part, tremendous investment of emotional energy, of time, prioritizing. So the sod and yesod ha-beria is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu endows us with a love commensurate to the responsibility that we have. The responsibility parents have to children, for children, is very, very great and hence Hakadosh Baruch Hu in wanting, as it were, to provide for the children, endows parents with this wonderful deep abiding love for their children. And that... That sod and yesod also provides the perspective and the vantage point on self-love. Because when you think about it, rabbosai, what is a person, what's the biggest responsibility a person has? No one else, no one else can make me live a healthy lifestyle. They can encourage it, they can model it, they can inspire it, but אם אני לי מי לי. No one else can sit down and learn a seder for me. They can encourage me, they can inspire me, they can teach me, they can try to inculcate those values into me, but אם אני לי מי לי. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us a self-love because Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives love commensurate to the responsibility that a person has. And the biggest responsibility a person has is for himself, because that's the one person that no one else can ultimately be responsible for. אם אני לי מי לי. Ultimately, my children will be independent of me. The parent's role is just to provide the bridge from birth to adulthood. And that's true for everyone. And that's the perspective we should have on self-love. Self-love, again, obviously it's a good thing, it's part of the Ribbono Shel Olam's plan for the beriah, because love is the energy source for a person to carry out and assume responsibility. The Meshech Chochma comments in the beginning of Parshas Vayechi, commenting on ויחי יעקב בארץ מצרים שבע עשרה שנה. He's commenting on, lechora, if you would have sent Yaakov Avinu a piece of mail, so you would have addressed it to Eretz Goshen. I'm not sure which street in Eretz Goshen, Rechov HaAvos, I don't know, I'm not sure what street he lived on, but vos heyst Eretz Mitzrayim? So the Meshech Chochma comments: ha'inyan, ויחי יעקב בארץ מצרים, ha'inyan. So first I'm going to read it without the brackets and then we'll go back and fill in the brackets: שהאדם יש אחד שחי לעצמו ויש שחי לבני ביתו ויש שחי לעיר ויש שחי לארץ ויש שחי לכל העולם ועל זה נאמר וצדיק יסוד עולם.
And the pshat that Yaakov Avinu lived in Eretz Mitzrayim means that his hashpaha was felt throughout Mitzrayim. Yeah, in terms of his address, in terms of where he was, where he was registered to vote, so it was in Goshen, it wasn't Mitzrayim. But in terms of where he lived, in terms of where his hashpaha was felt throughout Mitzrayim, the whole famine was transformed, the last five years were different once Yaakov Avinu came down to Mitzrayim. Now let's reread it with the bracket: ויחי יעקב בארץ מצרים, ha'inyan, שהאדם יש אחד שחי לעצמו, in brackets, gam zeh tov. And then he continues: ויש שחי לבני ביתו. Meshech Chochma doesn't mean that a person should be content only living for himself if he can do more than that. The same way, if a person can teach and he can teach two talmidim, he shouldn't be content with teaching one talmid. A person should be looking to maximize what he can give, what he can do, what he can accomplish, what he can contribute. But says the Meshech Chochma, says the Meshech Chochma, a person should Self-care isn't selfish. Ribono shel Olam is looking to provide for every person, for every Jew, and the primary responsibility for every person, every Jew, lies with that person. I heard a beautiful idea, a beautiful mareh makom once from my uncle Rav Boruch Soloveitchik. the he he he shared it in the following context. After his stroke, which left him handicapped for the rest of his life, basically with only the use of one hand. So, we tend to take for granted our blessings, but if you think of so many of tasks that we do, which if a person only had use of one hand become just incredibly challenging and difficult and seemingly nigh impossible. So I saw him once after davening he was wrapping up his tefillin. So we wrap up our tefillin, you hold you hold the tefillin one hand and you wrap with the other hand. So how do you wrap your tefillin with one hand? But with tremendous exertion and difficulty he was doing it. So I went over to ask if I could help. And he very, very graciously but very, very firmly said no. And he said, sometimes a person has to do chesed with himself. I have to learn how to function and be as independent as possible. It's a chesed to to to help someone be independent. Sometimes a person has to do chesed with himself. And and he referenced this Gemara with this Rashi with this with with a pasuk in Mishlei. The Gemara in שבת קכז asks a stira. אמר רב אסי אמר רבי יוחנן שישה דברים אדם אוכל פירותיהן בעולם הזה והקרן קיימת לו לעולם הבא.
Shisha. ואלו הן הכנסת אורחים וביקור חולים ועיון תפילה והשכמת בית המדרש והמגדל בניו לתלמוד תורה והדן את חברו לכף זכות.
Eini? And are there really six things? והאנן תנן אלו דברים שאדם עושה אותם ואוכל פירותיהן בעולם הזה והקרן קיימת לו לעולם הבא ואלו הן כיבוד אב ואם וגמילות חסדים והבאת שלום שבין אדם לחברו.
And then ותלמוד תורה כנגד כולם. So other than Talmud Torah we list only three things? So is it six or is it three? Answer the Gemara הני אין מידי אחרינא לא, apparently three, not six. Answers the Gemara הני נמי בהני שייכי. No, it's a question of semantics. The three are categories. All six are subsumed within the three, but really both are saying the same thing. So how is everything subsumed within the three of kibud av va'eim, gemilus chasadim, vehava'as shalom? Specifically iyun tefilla that a person davens with kavana. So how is that subsumed under either kibud av or gemilus chasadim or hava'as shalom? So Rashi says ועיון תפילה היינו בכלל גמילות חסדים. When a person's davening, okay, we daven belashon rabbim but but okay we know who we're davening for primarily the the lashon rabbim notwithstanding. We daven belashon rabbim. If a person davens with kavana, ועיון תפילה היינו בכלל גמילות חסדים. Davening is bechlal gemilus chasadim. Why? דכתיב גומל נפשו איש חסד. He's doing chesed with himself. So that's pshat in self-love. Self-love is every Jew is deserving of, needing of chesed. A Jew for whom each of us has responsibility more than any other one because there’s no one else who can do it. It’s literally a makom she’ein ish, literally and always a makom she’ein ish, is ourselves. That’s why self-love is, again, we know that it’s a good thing, we know it’s a noble thing, Ribbono Shel Olam created us that way, but that’s the pshat. The same way a parent has to have this fierce love, כי עזה כמות אהבה, a parent has to have this fierce love to carry out, to assume and carry out his, her responsibility to the child, so we all have a responsibility for ourselves. Self-love is to facilitate self-help, which is why something which is a perversion of self-love, something which isn’t intended in Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s briyah, is when we feel sorry for ourselves. We feel sorry for ourselves, we feel that the world owes us something. When we feel sorry for ourselves, when we feel that the world owes us something, so then we’re looking for others to do for us. And that’s the exact antithesis of why Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us self-love. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us self-love to facilitate self-help, not to demand that others do. Aderaba, Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us the self-love because אם אין אני לי מי לי. It’s a perversion of self-love when we feel sorry for ourselves, when we expect and on a certain psychological level are demanding that the world do for us. No. Just to be a passive recipient, Ribbono Shel Olam didn’t have to create Olam Hazeh. We could have skipped that stage and fast-forwarded to Olam Haba. I think the Vort says, a beautiful Vort, me’inyan le’inyan in terms of a person being independent. The Yerushalmi has the lashon nahama de-kissufa, right? Bread of shame. Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants to bestow tov on us, so let him bestow tov on us. Why what do we have to have all the challenges and trials of Olam Hazeh for? The answer is because that would be nahama de-kissufa. For a person just to be a mekabel without doing anything to in some infinitesimal sense earn it, would be nahama de-kissufa. So the entire briyah, what’s the basis for beriat ha’adam? The basis for beriat ha’adam is that a person shouldn’t just be a mekabel, is a person should do. The basis for the entire briyah is to allow for self-help, not for expecting in my as I engage in self-pity and feeling sorry for myself, expecting others to do. No. Just to be a passive recipient, Ribbono Shel Olam didn’t have to create Olam Hazeh. We could have skipped that stage and fast-forwarded to Olam Haba. So self-love is indispensable. But as that example of self-pity illustrates, like anything and everything good it can be exaggerated and perverted and made into something which isn’t good. Self-love yes, self-centeredness no. And that’s what the mishnah. Like anything and everything good, it can be exaggerated and perverted and made into something which isn't good. Self-love yes, self-centeredness no. And that's what the mitzvah of v'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha is. A person should have self-love. A person should feel comfortable in his own skin. But that shouldn't overflow into a preoccupation, into an exclusive preoccupation with oneself. It shouldn't overflow into self-centeredness. And that's where the mitzvah of ahavas yisroel is to impose boundaries on on the necessary and noble self-love. But self-love doesn't have to be and is not supposed to translate into self-centeredness. תצווה התורה שיאהב חבירו בכל עניין כאשר יאהב את נפשו בכל הטוב.
Everything that a person wants for himself, he has to want for his fellow. You know the tekufah that that we've been living through, the pandemic, has been staggering on on on multiple levels. There's so much to take note of, there's so much that needs to be processed, there's so much that's mechayev in the cheshbon hanefesh. The reality of the pandemic, it's so hard to speak these words because it's so A, beyond belief and and B, excruciating to have to acknowledge it. But the reality of the pandemic is that to a large degree, the magnitude of suffering and the amount of death has been self-imposed. Every epidemiological study says the same thing: with the proper preventive measures if they would be practiced and adopted, adopted and practiced universally, not tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of people who died would not have died. It's it's a terrifying, terrifying truth. But the fact that it's terrifying doesn't mean that it's not true. One of the factors, not the only factor, not the only factor, but one of the factors, and the leading factor, again not the only factor, but a leading factor in why the behavior which could have dramatically, dramatically, dramatically downsized the catastrophe and the tragedy that the pandemic has been, one of the leading factors has been selfishness. People make a cheshbon as follows. The cheshbon is I am, fill in the blank, so many years old, fill in the blank. I'm in good health without any preexisting conditions. The chances of of my suffering from a severe form of of the virus... Of being impacted severely is quite small. The chances of the virus being fatal for me are even smaller. So it's just not worth the disruption. It doesn't justify the disruption to my life. It doesn't justify my not going to a restaurant. It doesn't justify my not going to a bar. It doesn't justify my not getting together with friends. It doesn't even justify my wearing a mask. And let's assume, not because it's necessarily true, but let's assume for argument's sake that that calculation on a personal level is accurate. So the answer is, to each of us who thinks in that way, when we look in the mirror and we make that calculation, so what we have to respond to ourselves is, it's not about you. A person doesn't have to wear a mask because he thinks he's vulnerable. A person doesn't have to adopt other public health measures because he thinks that he personally is at risk. A person doesn't have to make changes in his life because he's worried about himself. He has to do it because it is absolutely inevitable that if we all don't do it, people will die. And not one person, and not ten people, and not a hundred people. They're expecting another 200,000 fatalities in this country, and one of the leading factors, not the only factor, but one of the leading factors is selfishness. It's beyond comprehension. Ad k'dei kach. Ad k'dei kach. You listen to the news, you hear people talking self-righteously about their constitutional rights, and in whatever state they're in, they're railing against the governor and his tyranny in closing down a restaurant, in closing down a bar, in introducing a mask mandate. It's staggering. It's staggering the degree to which American society is so self-absorbed and so self-centered. So much so that as long as I don't feel threatened by my behavior, that's the only standard. It's the only way I need to measure and gauge whether what I'm doing is reasonable. Staggering. But it's true. Now, maybe we should push back a little bit and say, it's not that people are being so coldly, calculatingly self-centered, it's just that they're not thinking about it that way. They don't realize that if they get sick asymptomatically, that they're a link in a chain which results in other people getting sick and dying. It's not that they're dismissing that, they're just not thinking about it. So it's clear what the response to that is. That's also selfishness. If I assess a situation only in terms of its impact upon. of Hesech Hada'as from everyone else, it's also staggering selfishness and self-absorption. In every other context, society, almost every other context, not every other context, in most other context, society has no tolerance for innocent loss of life. But when the innocent loss of life is just due to selfishness and self-absorption, we need to understand what we're seeing around us, what we have been seeing for the past several months. The CDC pleaded with people not to travel for Thanksgiving, and some listened, but tens of millions didn't. Selfishness isn't the only factor, there are other factors, but selfishness is a serious factor, a serious contributing factor. We need to be aware of what we're seeing, we need to understand what we're seeing, and we need to engage in a Cheshbon Hanefesh to make sure that that hasn't infiltrated our society. We need to look and ask ourselves, is it only, only in general society that I see it, or do I see it closer to home? Do I see it when I look in the mirror? And as we ask ourselves the question, I don't know what the answer is, I don't know what the answers are, we all need to think about it and try to figure out what the answers are. But as we ask ourselves the question, again it's not all or nothing, the selfishness that we're monitoring for doesn't have to be in the extreme, ugly way that it's been manifested. It can be in more subtle ways, less devastating ways, but that doesn't mean we should be complacent about it if that's all we find. You know as the promise, Be'ezras Hashem, Halevai, Halevai that it's going to happen as anticipated. But as the promise of vaccines bringing the pandemic to an end, Halevai, az Gott helfn that that happens as is expected. There should be a sense of urgency on our part, a sense of urgency to ensure that we don't walk away from this pandemic Same way we were last Rosh Chodesh Adar. That's not so. That's not something we can allow to happen. And in that sense, the fact that the light appears at the end of the tunnel should give us a sense of urgency, that at the very least we need to walk away differently than than we entered. Im yirtzeh Hashem, a good Shabbos, be well, be safe and Hatzlacha.