This shiur is brought to you by TorahWeb.org. Thank you Rabbi Rothwax, ברשות הרב ומרא דאתרא. So I took my cue from Rabbi Leibowitz. He said when you listen to an introduction, you block out everything and you hone in on the phrase relatively young and miss it. In a more serious vein, I was banking and felt quite secure in doing so and still do on everyone having gotten the price of admission from listening to Rabbi Leibowitz, so I'm going to be mekatzer. קח נא את בנך את יחידך אשר אהבת את יצחק.
Well familiar with Rashi's comment when Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to Avraham Avinu קח נא את בנך, Avraham Avinu says I have two sons. Et yechidcha, your only son, Avraham Avinu says that each of my two sons is an only son to his mother. Asher ahavta, whom you love, I love them both. Earlier, Rashi has commented that Yishmael was already yotzei letarbut ra'ah, in our jargon of today, Yishmael was already off the derech. ויאהב יצחק את עשו. Yitzchak loved Esav. So the avot hakedoshim loved their sons, loved their children, although neither Yishmael nor Esav was a candidate for being included in the select list of the lamed vav tzaddikim and yet the avot loved them. לא הביט און ביעקב ולא ראה עמל בישראל ה' אלוהיו עמו ותרועת מלך בו.
Rashi says one understanding of the pasuk is that put forth by Onkelos, but then Rashi says there's another as well. לא הביט הקדוש ברוך הוא און שביעקב כשהן עוברין על דבריו.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu, kavyachol, as it were, in a certain sense, on a certain level, doesn't see, doesn't recognize the iniquity of which Yaakov, which Knesset Yisrael is guilty of. Hashem Elokav imo, אפילו מכעיסין וממרין לפניו, even when they anger him, even when they are rebellious, eino zaz mitochem, Hakadosh Baruch Hu remains in our midst. Utruat melech bo, Rashi says truat melech bo is truah here in this context according to this line of interpretation doesn't denote a musical note, but rather lashon chiba vere'ut. Hakadosh Baruch Hu continues to cherish, to love, to be our friend. My father zichrono livracha would comment that when one juxtaposes this Rashi with the mandate of halachta bidrachav, so it gives us our marching orders as well. So clearly the fact that someone close to us, be it a child, be it a friend, has taken a very wrong turn in life doesn't forfeit, he thereby does not forfeit our love. Even though I hope that whatever we're going to discuss again in these brief schematic remarks is all true and is intended as to be halachic guidelines and parameters, but we'll quote an extra, a non-halachic source to perhaps help provide a framework as to how one loves in such a challenging situation and no less important, how to love without compromising our own commitment. and our own principles. You know, we, I think most of us in such a situation, the response of love would be instinctive. And there are many instincts that we have that Hakadosh Baruch Hu implanted within us because those instincts point in the direction of doing retzon Hashem, of fulfilling devar Hashem. The most primal instinct we have is for self-preservation, for life. Ve-chai bahem. That, that's Hakadosh Baruch Hu's desire and and he gave us such an instinct. And and there are many such examples. But it's always important to not just act on instinct but understand what the Torah's conceptual basis for that behavior is, to make sure that the instinct remains aligned with that conceptual basis. Because when we act purely on instinct, so sometimes at a certain point the instinct diverges from, from the Torah's intent and the Torah's path. The Baal HaTanya famously in speaking about the mandate to love even those who have, at least at this point, at this juncture in their lives chosen the wrong path, he writes as follows: וגם המקורבים אליו והוכיחם ולא שבו מעונותיהם שמצוה לשנאותם. The Gemara in Pesachim says that if you have a baal aveirah who's been rebuked and spurned that rebuke, that mitzvah leson'o. He's a rasha gamur, soneh Hashem. It's a mitzvah to hate. But even those, says the Baal HaTanya, where there's a mitzvah to hate, as, as Chazal speak of in the Gemara in Pesachim, מצוה לאהבם גם כן, simultaneously there's a mitzvah to love them. And the two are not mutually exclusive. It's possible to simultaneously hate and love, and the Baal HaTanya doesn't have in mind a love-hate relationship. There it's not really simultaneous, there it's, that phrase reflects a certain vacillation and and the swinging of the pendulum. מצוה לאהבם גם כן u-shteihen hein emet. And they're both true. Equally true. Equally compelling. שנאה מצד הרע שבהם ואהבה מצד בחינת הטוב הגנוז שבהם שהוא ניצוץ אלוהות שבתוכם המחיה נפשם האלוהית.
Call it the nitzotz elokus, call it this, whatever the kabbalistic term means, this spark, this divine spark. Call it the pintele Yid. Call it the נשמה טהורה שנתת בי. There remains at the core of every Jew something pure and uncorrupted, the real individual. And no matter how many layers may have been superimposed upon that, that remains. And that allows one to in a very targeted way love and hate simultaneously. Hate in terms of rejecting certain types of behavior, certain types of activities, and simultaneously love the true person over whom a veil has been cast. Segueing a little bit to what we're talking about practically in relating to someone off the derech, the mitzvah to love, to follow in the footsteps of the avos, again, obviously infinitely more significantly, following in the footsteps of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, v'halachta bidrachav, לא הביט און ביעקב ולא ראה עמל בישראל, ה' אלקיו עמו ותרועת מלך בו,
it means not to reject, to demonstrate love, thereby maintaining the relationship, and all of that attests to one's not giving up hope that the presence of the nitzotz, of the pintele Yid, of the neshama tehorah, of the revolutionary transformative koach habechirah means that potential always exists. And the love speaks to a belief, a faith in that potential. And this, too, is a kiyum of v'halachta bidrachav, as we say in the ne'ilah, עד יום מותו תחכה לו. Hakadosh Baruch Hu waits to one's last moments on earth that a person should do teshuva. ואם ישוב מיד תקבלו. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is waiting, Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't give up, Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't despair. The Rambam, based on the gemara in Kiddushin, אפילו רשע כל ימיו ועשה תשובה באחרונה עונותיו נמחלים. We have to have that same patient perspective as well, and that's something which is reflected in and helps generate and sustain the love. Something else which helps to sustain and generate the appropriate love, the pasuk we mentioned before, ויאהב יצחק את עשו, so it is only the first half of the pasuk. The second half of the pasuk is ורבקה אוהבת את יעקב. So I heard once a gevaldigge vort from my mother, zol gezunt zein. There's a lack of... we're used to just the contrast between Yitzchak loving Eisav, whereas Rivkah loves Yaakov. But my mother pointed out that there's an... there's a disparity. Vayeehav Yitzchak translates: Yitzchak loved, past tense. ורבקה אוהבת את יעקב translates that Rivkah loves, present tense. So why that difference? So she explained, if I knew the feminine of mosif and mefarek, I would say היא מוסיפה והיא מפרקה לה, but my Aramaic is rather deficient, so היא מוסיפה והיא מפרקה לה. Yitzchak Avinu wasn't naive. He knew Eisav was a rasha. Yitzchak Avinu found moments, he loved, self-contained moments, he found moments when Eisav did something good. Ah! That... that's something that reflects, you know, the nitzotz is still there, the nitzotz hasn't been extinguished, the nitzotz is still there. It doesn't compensate for, it doesn't exonerate, it doesn't whitewash all the evil, but there's something to latch onto in terms of hope. It speaks to potential. He loved, but it was self-contained. Rivkah, it was continuous, it was ongoing. She didn't have to latch onto a moment of Yaakov. No, ורבקה אוהבת את יעקב. Gevaldigge vort, gevaldigge vort. אפילו פושעי ישראל מלאי מצוות כרימון. Certainly, that, I think in almost all cases, that isn't the phrase we would use to describe those who are off the derech in today's age. So ועל אחת כמה וכמה that we have these... Opportunities for ויאהב יצחק את עשו. We often hear a call for unconditional love. That's the advice, that's the mantra for again, whatever the situation, I think most commonly we hear it in the context of parents who are confronted with such an incomparably, existentially painful challenge. It could be that what's intended in that phrase is all correct, but the phrase itself is very wrong. The phrase of unconditional love is a wrong phrase. יסוד היסודות ועמוד החכמות famously writes the Rambam at the beginning of the Yad HaChazakah, the foundation of all foundations, the pillar of all wisdom, of all branches of wisdom, לידע שיש שם מצוי ראשון. There is, there exists, an existent which is prior to everything, prior to all human thought. והוא ממציא כל הנמצא. He gives existence to everything that exists. וכל הנמצאים משמים וארץ ומה שביניהם לא נמצאו אלא מאמיתת הימצאו.
Everything that exists derives its existence from the reality of His existence. Everything exists through Him, because of Him. ואם יעלה על הדעת שהוא אינו מצוי. If one does a thought experiment that Hakadosh Baruch Hu rachmana litzlan didn't exist, אין דבר אחר יכול להימצאות. Nothing else could or would exist. Conversely, ואם יעלה על הדעת שאין כל הנמצאים מלבדו מצויים. If we imagine the absence of everything else, הוא לבדו יהיה מצוי ולא ייבטל הוא לביטולם. Hakadosh Baruch Hu would be unaffected by our absence. One can conjure up the thought of negating the existence of everything else, Hakadosh Baruch Hu would be unaffected. שכל הנמצאים צריכים לו. Everything that exists depends upon Him. vehu baruch hu, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu eino tzarich lahem. He doesn't need the universe collectively, velo le'echad mehem, nor does He need any individual part of the universe. Or in other words, there's one absolute in existence, and that absolute is the Ribbono shel Olam. Everything and everyone else is contingent. Everyone and everything else is contingent. The only absolute ontologically in terms of existence is Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and mimaila the only absolute in a person's life is his submission to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. There's no—maybe we'll talk afterwards if that's okay, thank you, thank you. There are no other absolutes in life. The phrase unconditional love, and perhaps it's not intended this way, I don't know whether it's intended this way or not, but it has a very misleading ring to it. One has unconditional love, unconditional commitment. There's only one address for that. In terms of retzon Hashem, devar Hashem, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is absolute and therefore retzon Hashem is absolute and therefore devar Hashem is absolute. Everything else that exists is contingent, and that means that no matter how profoundly invested we may be, no matter how instinctively attached we may be, there's no such thing as an absolute other than Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It is the one and only absolute that exists. Don't be, be non-judgmental, maybe it's a stage, be patient, don't despair, don't give up hope. See the good, the pockets of good. So that's all correct, but that's not unconditional and it's very important to recognize that it's not unconditional because you know the interplay between language and thought is reciprocal. On the one hand we express thought through language but on the other hand certain phrases then frame and influence our thoughts. Phrases that then become accepted so then they influence how we think. There's this reciprocal relationship. And when we hear this erroneous term of unconditional love, so then it suggests, it prompts demonstrating a love, an unconditional love which has no borders or boundaries and that's wrong. That's only vis-à-vis Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Let's perhaps take a couple of examples to try to concretize. Someone close, someone near and dear is engaged in some kind of illegal scheme whatever they're applying for a loan and not really representing their assets or the value of their assets accurately. Whatever whatever the scheme may be and needs some kind of cooperation on our part, assistance on our part. We can and should love people who are on the wrong path, but it has to be clear that the love is despite the fact they're on the wrong path. The love in no way countenances, in no way endorses, in no way approves of the wrong behavior. There is tremendous room for love, telegraphing that love but the borders, the boundaries are that it has to be clear that the love is despite the wrong behavior. It in no way countenances, in no way endorses, in no way will be a part of it. In our generation we now are bombarded with talk about same-sex marriages. And the question arises what happens rachmana litzlan when parents have a child who's about to enter rachmana litzlan into such a relationship. The child wants the parents to be there. It will minimally strain, possibly break the relationship entirely if the parents don't come. Doesn't one have to at all costs maintain the relationship? There are many reasons to go to a wedding. Usually we go to a wedding we want to be there. Sometimes we go to a wedding out of a sense of obligation. We don't necessarily want to be. be there, but whatever my relationship with the father of the choson or the father of the kallah is such that I sort of have a sense of obligation to be there. But regardless of what the motivation is, regardless of what the underlying motive is for going to a wedding, a wedding is a celebration of nuptials. I may be there because I want to be there, I may be there because I feel an obligation to be there, but regardless, I'm there joining in a celebration. A celebration of a gay marriage is a brazen defiance of Dvar Hashem. It is an unmitigated Chilul Hashem. There isn't, there isn't an orthodox position that allows such a step to be contemplated, much less taken. It is totally, totally out of bounds. It's an unmitigated Chilul Hashem. There isn't a Jew who doesn't know what the Torah's position on homosexual behavior is. There isn't a Jew who doesn't know that homosexual behavior and homosexual marriage is absolutely forbidden. To engage in it and to celebrate it is to celebrate a brazen defiance of Dvar Hashem. And that can't be countenanced for anything. Chilul Hashem is never a justified means for anything. Dovid Hamelech, the Gemara in Yevamos says Dovid Hamelech gives the descendants of Shaul to be killed because otherwise there would have been a Chilul Hashem. Chilul Hashem is not a measure that we can ever, ever employ towards some greater end. There is no greater end. And it's an unmitigated Chilul Hashem, an unmitigated Chilul Hashem. The same is true for intermarriage, Rachmana litzlan. Intermarriage is something that poses a mortal threat to the continuity of Klal Yisrael. It can't be measured. I remember many, many years ago, maybe this accounts for the missing phrase in Rabbi Rothwax's introduction, but I remember many, many years ago someone asking the Rov zichron l'vracha that formally, you know, the lav of lo sis'chaten bam, the lav of intermarriage is not chamur, certainly not more chamur than the lav of chilul Shabbos. So why do we take such a hard line on intermarriage? But again, we do have the Baal HaTanya's, again, not what the popular phrase of love-hate means, but the Baal HaTanya's form of love-hate relationship when it comes to chilul Shabbos. Why do we take such a hard line when it comes to intermarriage? So he said, you can't measure the aveira simply by whatever onesh, whatever punishment may be prescribed b'yidei adam. Intermarriage destroys Knesses Yisrael. How can one celebrate an act which, which, which poses a mortal threat to the continuity of Klal Yisrael? It's also a Chilul Hashem. It's also a Chilul Hashem. And and it doesn't make a difference why one is at the wedding. No, that's, that's the reason for being there. But the being there is being part of the celebration. The reason doesn't define what one is doing. Reason speaks to motivation. But regardless of motivation, the definition of a wedding is a celebration of nuptials. One cannot celebrate an intermarriage. There's no, there is no greater cause which justifies a Chilul Hashem. We began by, by referencing the Akeidah, so maybe we'll finish on that note as well. The Rambam explains that the nisayon of the Akeidah was that Hakadosh Boruch Hu, first the Rambam describes how incomparable the love is that Avraham Avinu felt for Yitzchak. Imagine someone childless for so many years. Imagine someone whose entire dream, whose entire life's work is that he wants to be the progenitor of an אמה היודעת את אלהיה, of a nation, that it shouldn't just be individuals who recognize Hakadosh Boruch Hu, who have monotheistic belief, but there should be a nation devoted and defined by that. That's what he wanted more than anything. And then after decades and decades of childlessness, finally that son is born. And then Hakadosh Boruch Hu comes and tells him veha'alehu sham le'olah. Says the Rambam in the lines, between the lines, it's physically impossible for a father, even Avraham Avinu, to pick up the ma'acheles, to pick up the knife, lishchot es beno, unless he first suppresses that love. And the nisayon was, and Avraham Avinu in that sense he fulfilled the Akeidah because he didn't know that Hakadosh Boruch Hu was about to stop him. What the avos hakedoshim did implanted within us, spiritually created within us, spiritual capacities. Their emunah, their discovery of Hakadosh Boruch Hu, their emunah bashem endowed us with such a capacity. And their self-sacrifice endowed us with a capacity for self-sacrifice as well. Hakadosh Boruch Hu doesn't ask anyone else to perform the Akeidah. Hakadosh Boruch Hu doesn't ask anyone else to do anything which even approaches that. But it is unquestionably a very big nisayon when the absolute in life, Hakadosh Boruch Hu, and our commitment to Him requires that we say no to our children, requires that we curb the instinctive love, when it requires that we recognize that there isn't unconditional love. It is a very big nisayon, but it's a nisayon that we have the capacity for because it pales in comparison to the nisayon that Avraham Avinu succeeded at, which endowed within us spiritual capacities. And I'll conclude with this, I think it's the Tshuvos Harashba who says that when we say Shema every morning and night, ה' אלהינו ה' אחד, so a person should have in mind that he's willing, he's ready to be moser nefesh. That if circumstances would require it, a person is ready to die al kiddush Hashem. What's that got to do with saying Hashem Echad? I'm saying something about Hashem Echad, so how does this willingness and readiness to incur martyrdom, how does that tie in to Hashem Echad? It clearly does, right? I mean the Rashba isn't innovating this idea because the very next pasuk after ה' אלהינו ה' אחד says bechol nafshecha, אפילו הוא נוטל את נפשך, because Hashem Echad means what we're talking about, that Hakadosh Boruch Hu is the only absolute. Even one's own life is not absolute, and even that strongest of all instincts for self-preservation, to want to continue living, which 99.99% of the time we're supposed to live by, we're supposed to adhere to, but there is a .001 where no, Hashem Echad. Hakadosh Boruch Hu is the only absolute and that's supposed to guide us in all our actions, even in challenging times. Thank you.