Clearly someone decided that what I have to say is not worth hearing, so maybe we should pull the plug on this. The Torah in Parshat Noach, right, כי יצר לב האדם רע מנעוריו. Hakadosh Baruch Hu describes that the yetzer of a person, the inclination of a person is ra, literally translates obviously as evil, mine'urav. We in our own perhaps would have translated from his youth. Rashi quotes from Chazal on the pasuk that mine'urav means משעה שננער לצאת ממעי אמו, from the time the baby is born, that already then, there is a yetzer, his yitzro is ra, his inclination has potential for bad, for evil. Chazal comment on that pasuk in Gemara Kiddushin that kashe yetzer hara, that the yetzer hara is a difficult, difficult force to contend with שאפילו יוצרו קראו רע, that even its creator, the creator of the yetzer, the creator Himself, capital H, describes, labels the yetzer as ra. The first and in some ways most important point to recognize in talking about tonight's topic is to be aware of the reality of the yetzer hara, of inclinations, urges, taivos that we experience, to be aware of that reality and to be aware of the strength of those inclinations, urges, instincts, etc. You know, in general, for whatever reason, however one accounts for it, self-understanding is crucial to one's health. In terms of physical health, if a person has a physical ailment, if his knee is hurting, the doctor can give him a painkiller, the doctor can do this, can do that, but to really adequately treat it, so the doctor has to have an accurate diagnosis, has to have an accurate understanding of what the problem is, what it is that he's contending with. In terms of emotional and mental health, the reason psychotherapy is part of treatment is that self-understanding is a significant part of the avodah. When a person understands why he feels as he feels, if a person is dealing with low self-esteem, if a person understands where that comes from, maybe what experiences generated that, so that's already half the battle. The self-understanding is half the battle. And the same thing is true in terms of dealing with temptation and dealing with the yetzer hara. So the first thing is to accurately understand what it is we're contending with, and that's what Chazal say based upon the pasuk in Parshat Noach, that we have to recognize that it's a very strong and potent force. In general, one of the identifying qualities of Torah, of Halacha, is that Torah is very realistic. We don't conceive of or define kedusha by imagining that we don't have very earthly, carnal inclinations and desires. That's not what our notion of kedusha is. We don't pretend they don't exist. On the contrary, our notion of kedusha is being very much aware that they do exist and addressing them, and seeing to it that they're curbed as is appropriate, that they're channeled as is appropriate. That perhaps we'll try to touch upon taiva in three areas, lav davka that that is an exhaustive list, but in three areas: in the area of arayos, in the area of money, and in the area of kavod. In the area of arayos... The Rambam writes at the end of Hilchos Issurei Biah: אין לך דבר בכל התורה כולה שהוא קשה, that same word that the Gemara in Kiddushin uses in describing again the force of the yetzer hara. אין לך דבר בכל התורה כולה שהוא קשה לרוב העם אלא לפרוש מן העריות וביאות האסורות.
The most challenging area of halacha for most of us is arayos. Is maintaining kedusha in the area of forbidden relationships. What are the strategies that Chazal devised, crafted for us, or maybe some of the strategies that Torah itself already provided? So the first one is as you know a machlokes the Rambam and the Ramban whether this is a din d'Oraisa or a din d'Rabanan but for our purposes that doesn't make a difference. The first is לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה that not only are the actual relations forbidden but anything which can lead to that. So any kind of affectionate physical contact between a man and a woman who's not his wife or a woman with whom the assumption is that you can't assume that the contact is purely platonic. There's no issur with a man and his mother, there's no issur with a man and his daughter but other than basically that, so any kind of affectionate contact is assur. Similarly, when the Rambam also exhorts us to again be realistic in recognizing the yetzer hara, he says לפיכך ראוי לו לאדם לכוף יצרו בדבר זה. It's appropriate that a person should be aware and mindful, should be realistic of the strength of the yetzer hara and should be looking to counteract it. And then I'm skipping a few words he says and especially what the Rambam underscores is ויזהר מן היחוד שהוא הגורם הגדול. A person has to be very very makpid on issur yichud, on the issur of being alone again with a woman other than one's wife, other than one's mother, other than one's daughter, other than one's sister, the latter case it's only for certain periods of time, it's not for an indefinite amount of time as is true with one's mother and one's daughter. What Chazal here are telling us the chochma here should be appreciated. Relatively speaking, the easiest way to avoid issurim is to not allow situations to arise which are ripe for issurim to happen. And that's what the Rambam means that ויזהר מן היחוד שהוא הגורם הגדול, שהוא הגורם הגדול. It's something that our society doesn't begin to understand presumably because our society doesn't really want to understand it. We'd probably all be better off not being so aware of it and not aware of all the accounts but I assume that we all are to varying degrees about the MeToo movement that's been going on for the past I don't know I'm not sure how many months it's been already. And nothing excuses nothing diminishes the culpability of what a man does if he violates a woman, nothing diminishes his culpability, nothing downgrades it in the least. But why doesn't it occur to society that lema'aseh there are people who do behave that way? And the only way to successfully prevent that is not to allow the situation, not to allow the circumstances to be set that allow. Nothing will ever happen. That's what the Rambam says. A person will never ever be nichshal. And here's point number two of the chochma, which is also present in inherent in the לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה, that it's assur even to hold hands. It's assur to have the slightest, the slightest affectionate physical contact. The yetzer hara is strong, but the relatively speaking, the easiest way to combat the yetzer hara is through complete abstinence rather than partial abstinence. Partial abstinence is much, much more difficult, many times more difficult than partial abstinence. Partial, excuse me, partial abstinence is many times more difficult than complete abstinence. If realistically again and excuse the bluntness and the directness but just to make sure that we understand each other, if a man and a woman hold hands, so as strong as the yetzer hara was before, so that inflames the yetzer hara. The yetzer hara gets stronger. The yetzer hara gets stronger and it's more difficult now to prevent things from escalating than it is if there's never any physical contact in the first place. So the way Chazal, the Torah guide us in trying to realistically deal with the yetzer hara is, A: don't let the situation of, if the situation of cheit doesn't arise, cheit doesn't happen. Cheit only happens in certain circumstances. It needs it, in this context, if the situation isn't there, the cheit will not happen. That's a guarantee. If a person isn't, doesn't cut corners on issur yichud, it will not happen. He will not be nichshal. In terms of the dealing with with the yetzer hara, so the complete abstinence is, is again relatively speaking, is the easier and therefore more effective approach than just the partial abstinence where a person doesn't comply with the restrictions of לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה. Another very important and and effective safeguard in this area is shmiras einayim. Also very, very difficult to achieve in, in in today's world. Rashi in Parshas Shlach in the last parsha of Krias Shema, ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם, so Rashi says again, he gives us a depiction of how cheit unfolds, and he says it begins with the eye sees, and what the eye sees, the ayin roah and then what the eye sees, so it feeds that, and then the lev chomeid and then what a person sees, a person is chomeid, that arouses desire, that elicits the temptation. And then after the ayin roah and the lev chomeid, so then rachmana litzlan, the stage is set for a person to, for a person to be nichshal. Again, the way to try to, the most effective way to try to counteract this is not to let that process begin, is not to have the ayin roah. What what does it mean practically? It means that a person shouldn't ever gratuitously expose himself to seeing what incites the yetzer hara. Bichlal, a person, it's assur, I think Rav Moshe Feinstein writes in a tshuva, he explains that there are two components to the issur histaklus benashim. Again, not talking about a man looking. looking at at his wife when when she's tehorah. That there were two there were two aspects to the to the issur histaklus. One is that a man is not supposed to look at any part of of a woman even even her finger with the intention of deriving enjoyment from looking at her. And second of all those parts of a woman's body which are supposed to be covered so then a person should should not really see that at all. A person shouldn't see those parts of of a woman's body that are supposed to be covered even if he's not looking al menas lehanos. He shouldn't see it at all because again those parts of of the body the the natural masculine reaction to that is that it is me'orer taiva. It does arouse desire in in a man. So a person shouldn't gratuitously go where women are not dressed properly. Shouldn't gratuitously go. Obviously some places we have to go and that's what the Gemara calls לית ליה דרכא אחרינא. A person can't always avoid going places where where women are not dressed modestly where they're not dressed properly and the Gemara calls that לית ליה דרכא אחרינא. If I if I have to get from point A to to point B for some legitimate purpose and the the only routes available do again traverse an area where where women are dressed immodestly it is muttar to go. But then a person is supposed to do his best when he can he should he should look down he should look away he should do his best to avoid as much as possible seeing what what we're not supposed to see. That's a a major catalyst of of cheit. The more we avoid that catalyst the better positions we are to to avoid cheit. Chazal advocate that that also to help promote kedusha vetaharah to help avoid a person from being nichshal that marriage at a younger age is is recommended and and is advisable. Obviously this isn't the only factor that has to be taken into consideration when a person decides at what age he gets married. A person has to be emotionally for instance he has to be emotionally mature and and ready for for marriage. Chazal aren't advocating that a person should get married to rachmana litzlan a few months later you know the the marriage doesn't work out rachmana litzlan because either he or she or both of them were weren't ready emotionally for the the commitment and lifestyle of marriage. But in addition to the other relevant factors so this is a very legitimate relevant factor. Again it's by no means the only factor. Finally the other so we've mentioned I think four things so far in in this area. We mentioned the לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה that there shouldn't be any contact and again the truth is not even histaklus gratuitously. The issur yichud which the Rambam describes as hagorem hagadol as the major cause of of being nichshal in this area again because if the situation for cheit doesn't exist cheit won't happen. If the situation doesn't exist cheit doesn't happen. Number three the shmiras einayim not to again gratuitously see be in a place where one will see things which he shouldn't which are me'orer taiva. Four factor to be weighed in alongside other other germane factors in terms of getting married getting married at a younger age. And the fifth one we'll mention is that the Rambam says יתרה מכל זאת אמרו. The ultimate piece of advice that that Chazal gave us in this area יפנה עצמו ומחשבתו לדברי תורה veyarchiv da'ato bechochmah. A person should clear his his thoughts and engage his mind with divrei Torah veyarchiv da'ato bechochmah and here the Rambam tells us again it's it's remarkable for the For the guarantee which is present within it שאין מחשבת עריות מתגברת אלא בלב פנוי מן החכמה. If a person's mind is in a sugya, a person's mind is in a Rambam, a person's mind is in divrei torah, so then his mind is literally preoccupied. If one's mind is preoccupied with kedusha, with Torah, so then other thoughts which again can trigger processes of chet just don't, there's no room for that. There's no room for them. There's no room for them if a person's mind is preoccupied with divrei torah, with divrei chochma, with kedusha, so the mind is preoccupied, there is no room, there is no room for machshavos which serve as a catalyst for chet. Let's talk a little bit about another big taiva that we have or that many of us have is for money, chemdas mamon. Again the Rambam quoting chazal here, amru chachamim that it's not only arayos, but amru chachamim גזל ועריות נפשו של אדם מתאוה להן ומחמדתן. It's a very natural and potent yetzer hara to want money and if you have money to want more money. A natural, a natural yetzer hara. How does one try to undercut or combat that yetzer hara? So in general in terms of trying to affect change in oneself, so there are two complementary tracks. One track is a behavioral track. When the Rambam talks in Hilchos Deios about cultivating the deia, the midah habeinonis, when he talks about cultivating the the middle track, that a person shouldn't be too much of an ascetic, he shouldn't be an ascetic, on the other hand he shouldn't be a hedonist, but he should eat what he needs to eat to function well at maximum capacity and to feel well and to sustain his health and so for all character traits, so the Rambam says the way a person internalizes character traits, so we want to know how does a person internalize not to have chemdas mamon, not to desire money, not to be looking to amass wealth. So the Rambam says וכיצד ירגיל אדם עצמו בדעות אלו עד שיקבעו בו? How does a person train himself in character traits until they become second nature, until they become entrenched within him? So Rambam says יעשה וישנה וישלש במעשים שעשה על פי הדעות האמצעיות. Behaviorally a person can change himself. If again and again and again I force myself to act in a certain way, it becomes natural. Initially it won't be natural. Initially so maybe maybe I don't have any element of zerizus, but if I'll force myself to act with zerizus, so gradually that becomes second nature. So too over here if a person recognizes in himself and by default we should assume that it does exist because of that ma'amar chazal that the Rambam quotes about the גזל נפשו של אדם ומחמדתן. By default we should assume we do have a chemdas mamon. We want money for its own sake, we want money for what money what we think money facilitates in terms of lifestyle and enjoyment and pleasure. So the way to counteract that in light of this Rambam is that a person needs to again to the best of his means but not beyond his means he needs to give tzedaka, he needs to constantly give away money. He needs to constantly give away money. Again within the boundaries and guidelines of hilchos tzedaka, there is such a thing as giving too much tzedaka, המבזבז אל יבזבז יותר מחומש. Sometimes we make a mistake and think that if a person gives a certain amount of tzedaka that he's certainly, certainly fulfilling his mitzvah. And the truth is it's possible to give seven figures to tzedakah, not counting the cents and commas. It's possible to give seven figures to tzedakah and not be giving an adequate amount of tzedakah. It all depends upon what one's income is, how much a person already has put away in savings. A person can be giving five million dollars a year in tzedakah and not be giving enough. He could be giving fifty dollars a year in tzedakah and be giving enough. So there isn't an absolute figure. There's no absolute figure at which point I'm certainly giving enough tzedakah. Everything is a function of and relative to a person's means. But the more I give tzedakah, so then the more that deia of I don't desire money, I'm ready to give it away, the more I pass up on opportunities to acquire money that I don't need, the more I counteract that natural desire, that natural chemdas mamon. The other complementary track when a person is trying to affect change, so the first one is behavioral, is that a person should behave again in a way that is consistent with what he wants to be, with the midda that he's looking to cultivate. And the second is that a person should spend time thinking and rethinking and reinforcing just hashkafically why the midda he's looking to cultivate is the midda tova and why the midda he's looking to change is not the midda tova. When a person thinks to himself that אל תירא כי יעשיר איש כי ירבה כבוד ביתו כי לא במותו יקח הכל לא ירד אחריו כבודו,
psukim in Tehillim which are traditionally said in a beis avel rachmana litzlan. That don't be afraid that you're being outdistanced by someone who becomes wealthy, that כי לא במותו יקח הכל, no one takes it with them. No one takes it with them. לא ירד אחריו כבודו, all the props of wealth don't accompany a person to the olam ha'emes. A person takes to the olam ha'emes, he takes the Torah he learned, he takes the maasim tovim he did, he takes the zechuyos. And the rest just, I think the Gemara in Kesuvos tells a story that when Reish Lakish was dying, so he was leaving an estate of kavda d'moriya, a small quantity of something that was used as a dye, as a yellow dye, some ich veis vegetable, herb, something that was used as a, I don't know, I guess in modern terms maybe it was worth five dollars, ten dollars. So kara anafshei, so Reish Lakish said about himself ve'azvu l'acherim cheilam, that they wasted, they squandered their efforts because instead of they're just leaving it for others. The only point of money is that a person should be able to have enough to live with dignity, should have enough to live a life of Torah mitzvos. Beyond that not only does it mean nothing, but it just distracts us and diverts us from what is meaningful. Behaviorally a person tries to move away from chemdas mamon and hashkafically a person tries to constantly think and rethink and reinforce that perspective. The same is true in terms of kovod. Kovod is also something as an outgrowth of the natural ga'avah which most people have. Kovod is something which is often something we look for, something we want. A person has to move away from it behaviorally, to never do anything which other people something which can be accomplished as well, as successfully, privately, a person should never have other people aware of it. A person is supposed to do whatever possible should be Behatzneia Lechet without anyone else knowing. Sometimes there are even subtle forms of concern for our own kavod which in a very subtle way smacks of gaivah. Let's say a common scenario is: it could be a classroom situation, it could be a conversation between two people, someone asks a kashya. Maybe the Rebbe's asking the kashya during shiur, maybe you're talking with someone in learning and then you suggest a teretz which he misunderstands, and therefore based on his misunderstanding dismisses, and then either he, the Rebbe himself, or someone else in the class goes on to say what you said in different words, and this time the Rebbe hears it accurately. So it really doesn't accomplish anything to say, yes that's what I meant. The only thing it accomplishes is it sort of assuages my ego and my kavod. It's another thing if a person withstands that temptation, so again behaviorally he's working to move away from kavod. He's working to move away from kavod. The hashkafa that a person looks to internalize, which undercuts and preempts kavod, is that הכתר והכבוד לחי העולמים. Kavod is owed to the Ribbono Shel Olam. Kavod is not something that a person should ever feel is owed to himself. Okay, what Talmidei Chachamim have to do, so halevai we should all have to worry about that someday, it should all be halacha lemaiseh for us one day. Maybe to conclude, there is a very, very fundamental yesod sort of assumed in the Mesillas Yesharim by Ramchal. He doesn't so much say it as he does assume it. So maybe just to read you a couple of the lines where it's being assumed and just to try to bring it to the surface. Very famously at the beginning of his hakdama, so Ramchal writes that he doesn't intend Mesillas Yesharim to be a sefer that you learn once and then you put back on the bookshelf, but it's something that a person has to the toeles. אין התועלת הנלקט מזה הספר יוצא מן הקריאה בו פעם אחת.
What can be accomplished by learning the sefer will not be accomplished by learning it once. כי כבר אפשר שלא ימצא הקורא בשכלו חידושים שלא היו בו לפני קריאתו התועלת יוצא מן החזרה עליו וההתמדה.
To constantly be reviewing. Why? Because by constantly be reviewing, the person will be able to counteract—sorry, I just have to find the line—כי יזכרו לו הדברים האלה הנשכחים מבני האדם בטבע. Ramchal says beteva. What does teva mean rabosai? Nature. The natural state of affairs is that a person forgets. He forgets about yiras Hashem, he forgets about ahavas Hashem, he forgets about Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That's the natural state of affairs. There's nothing anomalous. If a person is just sort of drifting in life, not making a concerted effort in any direction, beteva he forgets about all the yesodos that are present in Mesillas Yesharim, which is why learning it once is not going to accomplish anything. It requires constant reinforcement. And a few times this reverberates in Ramchal. A little bit further in the hakdama, Ramchal writes im lo. אם לא נסתכלנו ולא עיינו מה היא היראה האמיתית, if we don't think about and we don't concern ourselves with identifying what genuine yira is, איך נימלט מן ההבל העולמי המשכח אותה מלבינו? How are we ever gonna escape from all the mundane nonsense that causes us to forget? Here's the yesod, Rabosai. Here's the yesod. And again, you'll read the hakdamah with this in mind, you'll see it time and time again. The yeitzer hara is something instinctive. It works instinctively, it works reflexively. Let's say when I see chocolate rugelach, I don't start deliberating, should I salivate, should I not salivate? I just start salivating. It just happens naturally, it just happens instinctively, it happens reflexively. It doesn't require any premeditation, doesn't require any deliberation on my part. And that's true in every area in which we experience taivos, in which we experience temptations. It's instinctive, it's reflexive. The yeitzer hara operates reflexively, instinctively. The yeitzer hatov operates reflectively, deliberately. Ultimately, the yeitzer hatov is the stronger of the two forces because seichel can be misgaber al haguf, al hayeitzer hara. But if a person is just sort of, again, drifting, he's not making a concerted effort, so we imagine, okay, if I'm just drifting, so I'll stay in the middle. Ramchal says it's not true. Because without a concerted effort, since the yeitzer hara functions instinctively, right? He says it himself meforash. He says that ענייני היראה והאהבה וטהרת הלב, yiras Hashem, ahavas Hashem, purity of mind and heart, they are not devarim mutba'im ba-adam. They're not reflexive. Yiras Hashem is a result of reflective awareness. The yeitzer hara of temptation is reflexive and instinctive. Ultimately, and this is a common denominator for all things we have to cope with, all things we have to contend with. So a person, we need to as much as possible try to train ourselves to live reflectively, not reflexively, to live deliberately, not impulsively. Because as long as a person is living reflexively, so then it's the yeitzer hara which is the driving force. And when a person lives reflectively, so then it's the yeitzer hatov which is the driving force. Perhaps that's also reflected in the Gemara in Berachos that we're learning this summer in the first perek. The Gemara says לעולם ירגיז אדם יצר הטוב על יצר הרע. That's an interesting lashon, right? The Gemara doesn't say that a person should align himself with the yeitzer hatov rather than the yeitzer hara. The Gemara says yargiz. A person should agitate the yeitzer hatov. He should provoke the yeitzer hatov against the yeitzer hara. And perhaps this is this idea which Chazal are expressing there. If a person just sort of lives on autopilot without living reflectively, the yeitzer hara is gonna exert more influence than the yeitzer hatov because the yeitzer hara operates reflexively. And a person has to, again, make this concerted effort to train himself to live reflectively, to think about what he's saying, to think about what he's doing, to think about how his life is oriented, to think, to think and to constantly be reviewing and introspecting. And in that way the yeitzer hatov is activated, and ultimately it's the more powerful of the two yetzarim. The idea being that the yetzer hatov is activated and ultimately it's the more powerful of the two yetzaros. If we look at the Gemara in Masechet Brachos, דף ה עמוד א, the Gemara says: לעולם ירגיז אדם יצר טוב על יצר הרע. A person should always stir up the yetzer hatov against the yetzer hara. שנאמר רגזו ואל תחטאו. Im nitzcho mutav. ואם לאו יעסוק בתורה. Shenemar amru belivavchem. Im nitzcho mutav. Ve'im lav, yikra krias shema. Shenemar al mishkavchem. Im nitzcho mutav. Ve'im lav, יזכור לו יום המיתה. Shenemar vedomu sela.