Transcript

We spoke yesterday of the Rambam that there are two dinim, two distinct chiyuvim included in הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך. One is even if the potential mochiach is not a party to what happened, it's a mitzvah to try to set the person on the right path. And that chiyuv is measured by whether or not there's any realistic chance of the tochachah serving a constructive purpose. But then there's a second chiyuv, which is if one is the wronged party, one is the aggrieved party, so then either one as a middas chasidus has to sort of be mochel whatever grievance one has or the mitzvas tochachah says that a person is supposed to air it. So the maiseh—again, it was pretty telegraph, pretty clearly in Hilchos Deios, but the Rambam also said it befeirush already in Sefer Hamitzvos. If you take a look in mitzvah reish-hey in the mitzvas asei, so the Rambam begins:

והמצוה הר"ה היא שציונו להוכיח החוטא ומי שירצה לחטוא ולמנוע אותו ממנו במאמר ותוכחה.

Interesting that the lashon continues here, it's an interesting lashon, if you have it take a look rabbosai:

ואין ראוי לנו שיאמר אחד ממנו אני לא אחטא ואם יחטא זולתי מה לי.

What's it my business, what's it my concern if yenem is going to do an aveirah? I'm not going to do an aveirah. What do I care what he does?

ואין ראוי לנו שיאמר אחד ממנו אני לא אחטא ואם יחטא זולתי מה לי.

Deino im elokov, that's between him and the Ribbono Shel Olam. Zeh hepech hatorah. What does that mean? I mean the Rambam you could write that in every mitzvah, right? You could write the hepech hatorah, a person shouldn't say I have a taiva, I'm going to eat basar bechalav, I have a taiva for a Big Mac, I'm going to eat basar bechalav because zeh hepech hatorah. So anytime you do something which is against a mitzvah, it's zeh hepech hatorah. So it's clear that what the Rambam means by zeh hepech hatorah is it's not just against this mitzvah, it's against kol hatorah kulah, meaning Torah was given to Klal Yisrael. Torah wasn't given to any one of us as a yachid. Each one of us as yechidim is chayav in Torah u'mitzvos because we belong to the klal. ואתם תהיו לי ממלכת כהנים וגוי קדוש. By virtue of the fact that each one of us belongs to the klal, so then mimmela we're muchayavim in mitzvos. But Torah is Klal Yisrael-dik. A person can't sort of just—zeh hepech means it's not just hepech this mitzvah, it's הפך כל התורה כולה is what the Rambam means by zeh hepech hatorah. Then the Rambam continues:

אבל אנחנו מצווים שלא נמרה ושלא נעזוב זולתנו מאומתנו שימרה ואם השתדל להמרות חייבים אנו להוכיחו.

Then skipping two lines,

ונכנס בציווי הזה שנאשים קצתנו לקצתנו כשיחטא איש ממנו לאיש ולא נטור לו ונחשב לו עון אבל נצטווינו להוכיחו במאמר עד שלא יישאר דבר בנפש.

That's the second chiyuv. The chiyuv of where one is the wronged party to air the grievance. So the Rambam says it, he says it here befeirush. In a sense he says it a second time also really if you take a look in the Mitzvos Lo Saasei in Mitzvah Shin Gimmel: שהזהירנו שלא לבייש קצתנו לקצתנו not to embarrass a fellow Jew. And I'm skipping a line:

והאזהרה שבאה בזה הוא אמרו הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך ולא תשא עליו חטא.

And in the Sifra:

מנין אם הוכחת ארבעה וחמישה פעמים תחזור ותוכיח תלמוד לומר הוכח תוכיח

multiple times, Hochei'ach Tochi'ach, multiple times, Hochei'ach Tochi'ach, multiple times. יכול אפילו אתה מוכיחו או אתה מוכיחו ופניו משתנות, panav mishtanos, panav mishtanos reflecting humiliation, that in giving tochachah maybe the Torah's saying you should you should humiliate him, תלמוד לומר ולא תשא עליו חטא. So here's that's what the Rambam says is the rayah that ולא תשא עליו חטא is a lav for not embarrassing. But then the Rambam says:

אמנם הפשט מהפסוק הוא שהזהיר שלא תחשוב לו עוון בנפשך ותזכרהו.

The pshat meaning Hochei'ach Tochi'ach means two things and comparably the next phrase ולא תשא עליו חטא also, each of those two meanings of Hochei'ach Tochi'ach carries over to ולא תשא עליו חטא. Hochei'ach Tochi'ach in terms of chiyuv tochachah, but ולא תשא עליו חטא but don't don't humiliate him in the process. Hochei'ach Tochi'ach air your grievance and ולא תשא עליו חטא don't carry, don't you continue to carry around his cheit in terms of that you just internalize your your anger towards him vechulu. Okay, so all that is meforash here in Sefer HaMitzvos. Halacha, so let's see here

פרק ו' הלכה ז'. המוכח את חברו תחילה לא ידבר לו קשות עד שיכלימנו.

So whether it's a חטא בין אדם למקום or bein adam lachaveiro, so in any in all cases, techilah, initially, the tochachah shouldn't be harsh such that it it causes ad sheyachlimenu, שנאמר ולא תשא עליו חטא. Kach amru chachamim, again it's a it's a drasha in the Toras Kohanim, it's quoted in the Gemara:

כך אמרו חכמים יכול אתה מוכיחו ופניו משתנות תלמוד לומר ולא תשא עליו חטא. מכאן שאסור להכלים את ישראל וכל שכן ברבים. אף על פי שהמכלים את חברו אינו לוקה עוון גדול הוא. כך אמרו חכמים המלבין פני חברו ברבים אין לו חלק לעולם הבא. לפיכך צריך אדם להיזהר בדבר זה שלא יבייש חברו ברבים בין קטן בין גדול ולא יקרא לו בשם שהוא בוש ממנו ולא יספר לפניו דבר שהוא בוש ממנו.

So this is a pelle. So the Rambam tells us that it's an avon gadol. Rachmana litzlan, it can even cause a person, obviously without teshuvah, it can even cause a person to to lose his chelek l'Olam HaBa. And that's why you have to be nizhar. So if a person wouldn't lose his chelek l'Olam HaBa, so then it wouldn't be so important to be nizhar? But heyos, I mean the stakes are really as great as they can get here. So it's a funny thing, what's the lefichach?

כך אמרו חכמים המלבין פני חברו ברבים אין לו חלק לעולם הבא, לפיכך צריך אדם להיזהר בדבר זה.

So ella mai, there's there's again a very the leshonos haRambam here shift. In the beginning of the halacha, the Rambam uses the verb lehachlim, right? שלא נבוש ולא נכלם. So the Rambam originally says:

המוכיח את חברו תחילה לא ידבר לו קשות עד שיכלימנו.

So he doesn't say ad sheyevashenu, he says ad sheyachlimenu. And then he says that המלבין פני חברו ברבים אין לו חלק לעולם הבא. And then he says

לפיכך צריך אדם להיזהר בדבר זה שלא יבייש חברו ברבים.

So lichora, it's klar that the pshat in the Rambam is like this: the difference between bushah and klimah perhaps is approximates the difference let's say in English. In English you can talk about embarrassing someone or you can talk about humiliating. connotes a much deeper and stronger sense of shame than just embarrassing. And that's why, for instance, the pasuk that we quote in the Selichos: boshti vegam nichlamti. What does boshti vegam nichlamti mean? It means "Not only am I embarrassed, but vegam nichlamti, but I'm even humiliated." כי נשאתי חרפת נעורי. I feel not only embarrassment over my chatas neurim, but I feel humiliation. So klimah is something which is much more intense than bushah. The Rambam in the beginning of the halachos says that in giving tochacha,

המוכח את חברו תחילה לא ידבר לו קשות עד שיכלימנו.

You can't avoid bushah. You can't have a mitzvah tochacha and tell the mokiach, "don't even embarrass him in the slightest." Human nature is such that when we do something wrong and someone else is aware of it, we're embarrassed. So mitzvas tochacha can't entirely steer clear of bushah. You can't have a halacha that המוכח את חברו תחילה לא יביישנו. No, it's sometimes inevitably the gentlest form of tochacha will still involve an element of bushah. However, even if the bushah is unavoidable, klimah is entirely avoidable. And that's what the halacha is, that

המוכח את חברו תחילה לא ידבר לו קשות עד שיכלימנו.

Malbin pnei chaveiro, again, which is the same as panav mishtanos, right? That's the way—that's the same thing Chazal say in that drasha of יכול אתה מוכיחו ופניו משתנות, right? That the color drains from his face. Panav mishtanos. So that's also coordinated with klimah. The אין לו חלק לעולם הבא is not mevayesh es chaveiro, but is specifically machlim, which again, which is synonymous with panav mishtanos, with מלבין פני חברו ברבים. Then what the Rambam is saying is like this. When you have a spectrum, so let's say bushah and klimah are on a spectrum. Klimah is all—is all the way at the end, the most extreme form in terms of real humiliation, and bushah is at the other end of the spectrum. But the fact that the same—what's the right word here?—the fact that within this spectrum, that on this spectrum, there's something which is so chamur that a person can lose his חלק לעולם הבא, that not only points to the chomer of klimah, but the fact that bushah is on the same spectrum, it tells you something about bushah also. משל למה הדבר דומה. Let's say you show someone a film of someone who gets drunk and then goes out and drives and he gets killed, he kills others rachmana litzlan, whatever happens. And then based on that, the mussar is that you shouldn't even take one drink. Right? So that worst-case scenario serves as a mussar not only for the worst-case scenario. It serves as a mussar for the entire spectrum. Heiyos that on this spectrum, things can escalate to such a point, so that means that the entire spectrum is something which is very chamur. And that's what the Rambam is saying, that the message that we should get from the fact that המלבין פני חברו ברבים—malbin is the same as machlim—the fact that המלבין פני חברו ברבים אין לו חלק לעולם הבא, that should—we should hear in that a message not only about machlim, but about mevayesh as well. And that's what the chiddush of the lepichach is. The chiddush of the lepichach is that you see that if within this spectrum things can escalate to a point where it's אין לו חלק לעולם הבא rachmana litzlan, so then you see that this is something which is so poison, which is so terrible, that even in its lesser form, it's something that a person should be very nizhar. That lechorah is the pshat here.

במה דברים אמורים בדברים שבין אדם לחברו אבל בדברי שמים אם לא חזר בסתר מכלמימין אותו ברבים ומפרסמים חטאו ומחרפים אותו בפניו ומבזין ומקללין עד שיחזור למוטב כמו שעשו כל הנביאים לישראל.

I don't know, there's nothing in Nevi'im about bein adam l'chavero? צדק ילין בה ועתה מרצחים, you know, there's nothing in the Nevi'im? Who only gave such strong mussar over bein adam l'makom? There was nothing about bein adam l'chavero? I don't know this, I don't have a handle on the end of the halacha here. Kaspech hayah l'sigim, you cheated each other when you were supposed to give a pure silver coin, so you gave something which was an alloy, it really had cheaper, less expensive metals as well, and you passed that off as pure silver. Soveich mahul b'mayim, your wine, you watered that down. The Rambam seems to be bringing a raya to the fact that this halacha that tochacha should be gentle and totally steer clear of humiliating the person when it comes to bein adam l'makom, so that's only true initially. But if after such gentle, respectful attempts that doesn't work, so then if there's a chance that resorting to harsher measures will succeed, so then you do. And he says במה דברים אמורים בין אדם למקום, right? That's limited to bein adam l'makom. And he says, and that's what, I mean, the Nevi'im said things very strong, but didn't the Nevi'im say things very strong bein adam l'chavero also? So how does that sort of sustain this distinction between bein adam l'makom and bein adam l'chavero? Okay, I don't know. Okay, Halacha Tet I think we saw already. Halacha Yud.

חייב אדם להזהר ביתומים ואלמנות מפני שנפשן שפלה למאד ורוחן נמוכה אף על פי שהן בעלי ממון. אפילו אלמנתו של מלך ויתומו של מלך,

who presumably, again, not only are they well off, but presumably enjoyed prestige. But אף על פי כן, the mindset of a yatom v'almana is the same. שנאמר כל אלמנה ויתום לא תענון, right? The word kol is being underscored here, right? כל אלמנה ויתום לא תענון. It's not a function of what financial bracket, etc. I mean, to be shfal ruach is a good thing, right? To be shfal ruach is a good thing, that we had back in Perek Bet of Hilchos Deos. But what the Rambam means is a person can be shfal ruach in either of two dramatically different ways. A person can be shfal ruach because that shiflus is engendered by... his awareness of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So that's obviously a very, very healthy and appropriate shiflus of ruach, you know, that to which we all aspire. But then a person can be a shfal ruach not because, where the source of it is not, not שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד, the the source of it is insecurity or or the like. So that's not a good thing. That's something on the contrary, that if someone has it, so then you have to be very sensitive to to that person. And that that's the what the shiflus and and ruach nemucha that the Rambam is describing here. והיך נוהגין עמהן לא ידבר אליהם אלא ברכות. You have to speak only gently. ולא ינהג בהן אלא כבוד. Again, only with great respect. ולא יכאיב גופם בעבודה ולא לבם בדברים. Don't don't weigh them down.

ויחוס על ממונם יתר מממון עצמו. כל המקניטן או הכעיסן או הכאיב לבם או רדה בהן או איבד ממונם הרי זה עובר בלא תעשה. וכל שכן המכה אותם או המקללן. ולאו זה אף על פי שאין לוקין עליו הרי עונשו מפורש בתורה וחרה אפי והרגתי אתכם בחרב. ברית כרת להן מי שאמר והיה העולם שכל זמן שהן צועקין מחמס הן נענין שנאמר כי אם צעוק יצעק אלי שמוע אשמע צעקתו.

What, I don't know, one of the... I don't know whether anyone has done this, it's not a not a simple project. The Rambam has many different ways of referring to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and to figure out how he decides which which way... So one of the ways is

מי שאמר והיה העולם. במה דברים אמורים בזמן שעינה אותם לצרכי עצמו אבל אם עינה אותם הרב כדי ללמדם תורה או אומנות או להוליכם בדרך ישרה הרי זה מותר.

So it's interesting, right? The Rambam refers to the Rav and said maybe he's teaching him Torah, maybe he's teaching him umnus. Unless you find the same thing in Chazal right here minyana deyoma here in Arvei Pesachim. So the Gemara says like this: Iba'ya lehu, קח עמוד א, תלמיד אצל רבו מה? If a talmid is having the seder with his Rebbe, does he do haseiba? So ta shema,

תא שמע אמר אביי כי הוינן בי מר זגינן אברכי דהדדי. כי אתינן לבי רב יוסף אמר לן לא צריכיתו מורא רבך כמורא שמים.

So Rav Yosef said that a talmid eitzel rabbo doesn't do haseiba. Meisivei, אם הכל אדם מיסב ואפילו תלמיד אצל רבו? So how do you reconcile Rav Yosef with that baraisa? Answer the Gemara: כי תניא ההיא בשוליין דנגרי. That refers to the apprentice of a carpenter. But the lashon habaraisa is talmid eitzel rabbo. So so a bechina, I don't know, Chazal use that that phrase of talmid eitzel rabbo for umnus also. I guess the word Rav means master, so it can mean master for either of two two different reasons.

ואף על פי כן לא ינהג בהם מנהג כל אדם אלא יעשה להם הפרש וינהלם בנחת וברחמים גדולים וכבוד כאשר יריב ריבם אחד יתום מאב ואחד יתום מאם. ואימתי נקראין יתומים לענין זה? עד שלא יהיו צריכים לאדם. עד שלא יהיו צריכים לאדם גדול להיסמך לו לאומנם ולהיטפל בהם, אלא יהיו עושים כל צורכי עצמם לעצמם כשאר כל הגדולים.

So a person is a yasom when he's at an age where people are generally dependent upon their parents. When a person is at such an age, so then he has a din of a yasom if Rachmana litzlan he's missing either parent. But by the time a person graduates to an age where people do things for themselves, where they're no longer dependent upon their parents, so then he no longer has a din of a yasom. Okay, we'll stop here and then we'll continue b'ezrat Hashem on Wednesday.