Ezra instituted that we should read brachos and klalos, we should read the staggering, sobering tokhacha before Rosh Hashanah. Apparently Rosh Hashanah, regardless of the audience, is a time when one is supposed to hear, one's supposed to be open to a lashon kasha. One's supposed to be open to confronting stark realities, asking painful and penetrating questions. Obviously the Torah feels, and Chazal take their cue from the Torah, that we have the resilience to be able to listen to those questions and that we have the resilience to be able to respond. This morning's Kriyas HaTorah ראה אנכי נותן לפניכם היום את החיים ואת הטוב ואת המות ואת הרע
is a lashon kasha. Nothing is done to soften the reality of just how consequential our decisions are and, Rachmana Litzlan, the dire consequences of the wrong decisions. Now how is this lashon kasha which the Torah at times employs and the Torah at times instructs us to employ, how is that compatible with the Torah's stress on simcha? Is there a tension here? Within the very same tokhacha, a tokhacha that Rashi says at the beginning of Parshas Nitzavim that Moshe Rabbeinu needed to reassure Klal Yisrael after hearing the terrible list of ninety-eight klalos, within that very tokhacha, the Torah demands תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב.
So here it is in the middle of the, I guess we would inappropriately maybe even describe it as a strident musar shmuze, and within the context, within that very context, the Torah comes and says, תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב.
So how are these compatible? So the answer is that with a correct definition of simcha, there is no tension whatsoever. The Mishnah in Berachos tells us at the end of Berachos that חייב אדם לברך על הרעה כשם שמברך על הטובה. That a person is obligated to say a berakha, Rachmana Litzlan, on bad tidings, the same way he makes a berakha on good tidings. The Gemara says what's this equation "keshem", just as? It doesn't mean that the text of the berakha is the same, because the text of the berakha is not the same. On good tidings, a person makes a shehecheyanu, hatov vehameitiv, Rachmana Litzlan, on bad tidings, so we know a person makes the berakha Dayan HaEmet. So what's this equation of "keshem", that חייב אדם לברך על הרעה כשם שמברך על הטובה? So the Gemara explains it's not the text of the berakha which is the same, but it's the frame of mind, it's the mindset in which a person makes the berakha. A person has to make the berakha besimcha. Besimcha, the Gemara says. How can that be? A person's supposed to make a berakha besimcha al hara when confronted with bad tidings, a person's supposed to make a berakha besimcha? So Rashi says simcha means lev shalom. Simcha doesn't mean the type of lightheartedness and frivolity and kalut rosh that we associate with simcha. Simcha means belev shalom. Simcha means when a person has a profound sense of equanimity and contentment because things are as they're supposed to be. Belev shalom. That's when a person can be wholehearted. A person is not torn, he's not conflicted because he knows that things are as they're supposed to be. And that's the, that's the frame of mind, that's the attitude one is supposed to feel and evince when making, Rachmana Litzlan, the berakha of Dayan HaEmet. And that's the definition of simcha. Simcha means when a person knows that things are as they should be. Then a person is besimcha. Then, then a person, and again, can have this deep-seated, profound sense of simcha, of joy. There is a story, a remarkable story about the Rav Aharon Kotler, zichrono livrakha, in his final illness. Days, literally, maybe even hours before his petira, when his situation was... was deteriorating, and he clearly understood, clearly understood in what direction things were headed. His wife wanted to encourage him, so she said what any of us would have said in the same situation. So she says to him, Aaron, the doctor זאגט אז מארגן וועט זיין בעסער. She said, the doctor says tomorrow will be better. So he shook his head and said וואס איז דארף זיין און וואס דארף זיין איז גוט.
What is is supposed to be and what's supposed to be is good. That's a sense of simcha, that's a sense of simcha means when a person is beleiv shaleim. Genuine simcha, there's no tension between simcha and yirah. There's no incompatibility between simcha and between the lashon kasha with which we have to speak to ourselves when we stand less than 96 hours before Rosh Hashanah because genuine simcha is generated by yirah because unless we're willing to ask ourselves these penetrating painful questions, things are not going to be ווי עס דארף צו זיין. Things are not going to be as they should be. If we're willing to ask the questions, we're willing to ask the penetrating and painful questions, so then that generates simcha and that's exactly what the progression is from the yamim noraim to Sukkos. But if the yamim noraim aren't nora, if we don't have a sense of nora v'ayom in terms of the demands being made on us, then Sukkos can't genuinely be zman simchasenu. It's only if a person passes through the crucible of yamim noraim, of the yirah, that generates the simcha. Rambam begins the Yad Hachazaka with the following: יסוד היסודות ועמוד החכמות לידע שיש שם מצוי ראשון. The foundation of all foundations, the pillar of all wisdom is to know that there exists an eternal being והוא ממציא כל נמצא. He gives existence to everything else that exists וכל הנמצאים משמים וארץ ומה שביניהם, and everything else that exists in heaven, on earth, and in between לא נמצאו אלא מאמתת המצאו exists only from the reality of His existence. Me'amittas himatzo, from the reality of His existence. ואם יעלה על הדעת if a person will entertain the thought shehu eino matzui that Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't exist אין דבר אחר יכול להמצא, nothing else could exist. Conversely, ואם יעלה על הדעת שאין כל הנמצאים מלבדו מצויים, if one would entertain the thought that everything else other than Hakadosh Baruch Hu didn't exist הוא לבדו יהיה מצוי, Hakadosh Baruch Hu would exist alone ולא יבטל הוא בביטולם. His existence wouldn't be negated by the negation of their existence. Why? שכל הנמצאים צריכים לו, everything that exists depends upon Hakadosh Baruch Hu והוא ברוך הוא אינו צריך להם ולא לאחד מהם. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu is absolutely independent of everyone and everything else. Lefikach, consequently, ein amittaso, his reality, ke'amittas echad mehem. His reality is unique, it's unlike the reality of anything else that exists. הוא שהנביא אומר, this is what Yirmiyahu HaNavi says, V'Hashem Elokim emes, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Hashem Elokechem, He is emes. Meaning הוא לבדו האמת ואין לאחר אמת כאמתתו and nothing else is emes like Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Let's try to understand this just a little bit. It's too deep, too profound to imagine that we'll understand it fully, but let's try to understand. Understand just a little bit superficially. What does it mean the Rambam says, Yirmiyahu Hanavi said, that there's an equation here between Hakadosh Baruch Hu and emes? Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes. What does it mean that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes? So when we, let's say, when we judge whether a statement is true, so if I'll say that right now it's two o'clock in the afternoon and there's a raging snowstorm, it's not true. Why isn't it true? Because it isn't. Because go outside, you see it's pitch black and there is no snowstorm. If I say that it's, that it's approximately midnight and that it's dark outside, so that is true because what is is true. Why is it true if I say that it's approximately midnight and that it's dark outside? Because that is. So truth is that which is. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is. Hakadosh Baruch Hu exists. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is reality. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes. So there is an equation here, an equation that it's difficult to exaggerate the importance of this equation, rabosai, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes. Now this isn't only an abstract philosophical or theological concept. It has very, very concrete repercussions, concrete repercussions in terms of how Hakadosh Baruch Hu governs the world, the world in which we live. The Gemara in Bava Kamma says that כל האומר הקדוש ברוך הוא וותרן, anyone who says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu yields, anyone who says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu writes off infractions that we commit. There are different texts, but the thrust of the different girsos is the same, something to the effect of yivatru chayav. His life will be yielded. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not a vatran. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Hakadosh Baruch Hu holds us accountable for everything, everything we do, everything we say. There's no, there's no write off, there's no write off, there's nothing which is too, too inconsequential that Hakadosh Baruch Hu just automatically discounts. Obviously now we're talking without, without teshuvah. כל האומר הקדוש ברוך הוא וותרן, Hakadosh Baruch Hu just yields, it doesn't make a difference, it doesn't make a difference, I'm a little off, I'm not so careful in, in whatever realm, כל האומר הקדוש ברוך הוא וותרן רחמנא לצלן יותרו חייו. מגיד לאדם מה שיחו
the Gemara says that אפילו שיחה קלה בין אדם לאשתו that Hakadosh Baruch Hu's tape recorder is running, even, even private conversation between husband and wife, that too is put under the microscope on the Yom HaDin. Why is that? Because Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes, and emes implies din. Emes, truth, dictates din. It dictates din. If I borrowed a thousand dollars, so truth says I have to repay a thousand dollars. If I borrowed a penny, so then emes, truth, says I have to repay the penny. Doesn't make a difference. Truth isn't interested in whether it's something big or something small. Truth, truth, a big lie, a little lie is the same violation of truth. So emes dictates din. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is emes, Hashem Elokim emes Yirmiyahu Hanavi tells us, means that the middah which governs the world has to be emes as well. And hence כל האומר הקדוש ברוך הוא וותרן to say Hakadosh Baruch Hu just discounts, Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't, he looks at the big picture, he doesn't hold us accountable in little details, yivatru chayav. It's not true, it's a dangerous, lethal delusion. It's not true. But what about the י"ג מידות הרחמים? ה' ה' אל רחום וחנון ארך אפים ורב חסד, נוצר חסד לאלפים נושא עוון ופשע וחטאה.
What about the י"ג מידות הרחמים? So the answer is Mesillas Yesharim explains that there's a chesed which is compatible with emes and there's chesed, there's kindness, there's rachamim, there's compassion, there's favor which is incompatible with emes. And in fact, when I was saying the Yud Gimmel Middos, I skipped one, right? ה' ה' אל רחום וחנון ארך אפים ורב חסד ואמת.
Emes is in the Yud Gimmel Middos because the chesed, the rachamim that Hakadosh Baruch Hu practices is not dictated by emes. No, it's a tremendous chesed, it's a tremendous kindness, but it's compatible with emes. That's what Chazal tell us, Rashi quotes in the beginning of Parshas Bereishis, ביום עשות ה' אלוקים ארץ ושמים. Hakadosh Baruch Hu created heaven and earth, the Torah employs the name Hashem, Yud-Kei-Vav-Kei, which represents rachamim, employs the name Elokim which represents din. So the lashon which Chazal use, the phrase is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu was meshatef, Hakadosh Baruch Hu forged a partnership between rachamim and din. A partnership means that the partners work compatibly together. So the rachamim absolutely is הקדוש ברוך הוא אל רחום וחנון. חסד ה' מעולם ועד עולם.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu's chesed is eternal, Hakadosh Baruch Hu's chesed is infinite, but it's a chesed which is in a setting, in a context of emes. It's not a chesed which has total disregard for emes. And that's something which we intuitively understand. We intuitively understand that chesed has to be compatible with emes, let's say in raising children. If it's a chesed which isn't compatible with emes, so then we're spoiling the children. We're not raising the children, we're not guiding the children, we're not putting them on the right track. A chesed which isn't compatible with emes is just to spoil the children. A chesed which is compatible with emes, so then that chesed, that's the type of chesed that we intuitively understand is the appropriate one. And that's the way it is with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Beyom asos Hashem, but it's Hashem compatible with Elokim. אל רחום וחנון ארך אפים ורב חסד, but all of it within a setting, within a context of emes. All of which poses the question, what's the emes of teshuva? How is the chesed of teshuva? As you all know, Rabbeinu Yonah begins his Shaarei Teshuva by describing how the possibility of teshuva is one of the great chasadim, one of the great kindnesses which Hakadosh Baruch Hu bestows upon us. A second chance is chesed. Pure emes is no second chance. It's pure emes, the instructor doesn't have to give a makeup. It's not three strikes and you're out, it's one strike and you're out with pure emes. So clearly there's a chesed, but what's the emes component? What's the emes component? After all, what's done is done. There's no time machine, we can't go uproot what happened in the past. So what's the emes component? What's the emes setting of teshuva? Now this isn't an abstract philosophical inquiry. Now is certainly not the time for that. But if we want to understand how teshuva functions, then we can't do teshuva either. To do teshuva, a person has to understand what teshuva is, how teshuva functions. So what's the emes within teshuva? To sort of further highlight the question or sharpen the question, in בית דין של מטה, in a human court, there is no teshuvah. Imagine the following scenario: At age thirteen or age twelve, a young man, young woman, is mechallel Shabbos, desecrates the Shabbos. Prior to doing so, they're warned, they're admonished: Don't do that, don't write on Shabbos, it's chillul Shabbos. Two witnesses admonish them, admonish the person. He says, אף על פי כן על מנת כן אני עושה, I'm doing it lehachis, I'm doing it spitefully, and at age thirteen writes Aleph-Beis on Shabbos. Two eidus witness it after having given him a hasra'ah, after having admonished him. For whatever reason, he then escapes. Beis Din is not able to track him down. He spends the next seventy years of his life leading a hermetic, ascetic existence. He dresses in sackcloth, he fasts to gain atonement for this terrible, terrible infraction. If Beis Din catches up with this old man, with this eighty-three-year-old man, stooped from years of this Spartan regimen to which he subjected himself, Beis Din gives him missas beis din. Why? Because there's no concept of teshuvah. Emes is din. The person was tried, he was convicted. יקוב הדין את ההר. That's what din demands. In בית דין של מעלה, things don't work that way. In בית דין של מעלה, so then this sentence can be rescinded, the sentence can be revoked. But where's the Emes in that? Hakadosh Baruch Hu is Rav Chesed, but He's Rav Chesed ve-Emes, He's Rav Chesed in a context of Emes. All the midos harachamim, אל רחום וחנון ארך אפים ורב חסד, it's all in a context of Emes. Where's the Emes of teshuvah? The question is not a new one, the question is not mine. The question was raised hundreds of years ago by the Ramchal in Mesillas Yesharim. Ramchal answers and says, true, Emes alone without the accompanying chesed would not allow for teshuvah. But the chesed which is compatible with Emes, teshuvah represents the following: Nothing a person does happens in a vacuum. A person doesn't just happen to talk lashon hara. A person doesn't just happen to speak hurtfully. A person doesn't just happen not to daven. None of these things just happen. There's a root to all our actions. Things don't just happen. Everything has a root, everything has a source. There's some kind of inner dynamic which expresses itself, which plays itself out. I don't just happen to speak lashon hara. I don't just happen to say a bracha without kavanah. I don't just happen to eat without saying a bracha. Nothing just happens. Everything has a root, everything has a source. Now the action is done. You can't turn the clock back. I can't uproot what I've done. The chesed of teshuvah which is compatible with Hakadosh Baruch Hu's Emes says: But if you uproot the source of the aveira, so then a chesed which is compatible with Emes says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu considers that as וסר עונך וחטאתך תכופר. If a person uproots that source of cheit, that's still in the present. The cheit, the lashon hara I spoke was five minutes ago or five years ago or five months ago. That's in the past. I can't retract those words. But the shoresh, the root of that lashon hara within me is still here, is still here. The chesed of teshuvah which is compatible with Emes says that if I uproot that source of my cheit, that ratzon, that whatever impelled me to commit the chet in the first place, so the chesed of teshuvah, which is compatible with emes, says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu accepts that as though I had uprooted the very chet itself. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, I will view it as v'sas avonecha, as though your chet didn't happen. How is that consistent with emes? Because I uprooted the source of the chet. I uprooted the source of the chet. The Rambam writes in the beginning of perek bais of Hilchos Teshuvah that when a person does teshuvah, he has to be willing to be יעיד עליו יודע תעלומות שלא ישוב לזה החטא לעולם. The Kesef Mishneh explains ya'id as as in this morning's Krias HaTorah, ואעידה את השמים ואת הארץ, it means to call to give testimony. So יעיד עליו יודע תעלומות means that a person's teshuvah has to be so sincere and so resolute that he has to be willing to call the Yodea Ta'alumos, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, to give eidus that yes, this person's ratzon at this moment is so great that he is absolutely determined and he's positioning himself never ever to commit this chet again. יעיד עליו יודע תעלומות. How is that possible? How is that possible? I spoke loshon hora. I didn't get up in time to daven. I was very cavalier, casual about my tefillin. Tefillin hacha, tefillin hacha, and nafkamina. I feel bad about it. I feel bad about it. Genuinely, I feel bad about it. Ribbono Shel Olam, I'm sorry. I'm not going to do it again. But says who? You're the same person who did it. Why is it less likely to happen a second time than the first time? That's what's difficult. There has to be an akirah, says the Ramchal. A person has to uproot the source of chet when he does teshuvah. That's the emes of teshuvah. Teshuvah without that is a chesed which is incompatible with emes. But when a person uproots the source of chet, so that's a chesed which is compatible with emes. The same question which Ramchal raised from a different angle with a different emphasis, but essentially the question is the same, the Rav revisited some 300 plus years later. And his answer sort of incorporates what Ramchal said, but perhaps goes even further. The Rav describes teshuvah as follows: איש ההלכה עסוק ביצירה עצמית ובבריאת אנכי חדש. Halachic man is preoccupied with self-creation, yetzira atzmit, and creating a new I. This too is an idea which you find in the Rambam. The Rambam describes how teshuvah is not just a moment, it's not just a moment when one claps al chet, but teshuvah the Rambam says is a lifestyle. And the Rambam again, basing himself on the Gemara in Rosh Hashanah, describes the lifestyle of teshuvah as follows: מדרכי התשובה להיות השב צועק תמיד לפני השם בבכי ובתחנונים.
The teshuvah lifestyle involves that a person is constantly crying out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu with tears, entreating Hakadosh Baruch Hu, עושה צדקה כפי כחו, he's involved with acts of tzedaka to the best of his ability according to his resources, ומתרחק הרבה מן הדבר שחטא בו, and he's taking precautions that he shouldn't stumble again, that he shouldn't sin again as he had done previously, ומשנה שמו, changes his name. What does the change of name represent? כלומר אני אחר ואיני אותו האיש. To say, I am another, and I am not that same person. I'm a different person. I'm not the same person who spoke the lashon hara. I'm not the same person who dressed inappropriately, I'm not the same person who didn't have a sense of kavod and kedushas Beis Haknesses. I'm not the same person. He recreates himself. That's an act of self-creation. Here too, that's the emes within the chessed of teshuva. That we can understand, that's emesdik. If I'm not, if I'm no longer the same person who was guilty of the chatoim that Hakadosh Baruch Hu will say פשע עונך וחטאתך תכופר, that's emesdik. Still a tremendous chessed, it's not something which pure din, which pure emes requires, which it dictates, but it's emesdik. It's a chessed which is compatible with emes. The tzad hashaveh, the common denominator of what Ramchal says and what the Rav says is that teshuva, to be a teshuva shel emes, to be a teshuva which is compatible with emes, to be a teshuva which is in the context and the setting of emes, a teshuva has to be transformative. Teshuva has to transform. To stand erev Yom Kippur, to stand during Slichos, to stand on Yom Kippur and to clap ashamnu and to clap al cheit. Now, even if a person genuinely, Ribbono Shel Olam, I feel bad that ashamnu, that we were guilty and that bagadnu, that we have been traitors to You, Ribbono Shel Olam, I genuinely feel bad and Ribbono Shel Olam, I am expressing a genuine feeling and wish and even resolve not to repeat those chatoim, but if that's the extent of the teshuva, where's the emes in the teshuva? Where's the emes in the teshuva? If I haven't analyzed myself to understand the source of my cheit? If I haven't analyzed myself, if I haven't introspected to understand why is it? Why is it that it's not just modesty that I say ashamnu, but that I belong in that class of ashamnu? If I don't understand, if I haven't come to grips with that, so it's like the student, he's called into the principal's office, whatever the infraction is. Maybe out the real world, a criminal appears before the parole board, so they want to see what reason do we have to think that things are going to be any different? If you're the same student who committed the infraction with the same, the same taivos, the same desires, the same drives, the same urges, the same character flaws and weaknesses, so why should we, why should we commute the sentence? Why should we? Where's the emes? I hear the plea for chessed, but where's the emes? There's no emes there. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is rav chessed, but rav chessed in a setting, in a context of emes. אשמנו בגדנו על חטא שחטאנו לפניך באונס וברצון באמוץ הלב,
I feel bad, Ribbono Shel Olam, I'm not going to do it again. Says who? Says who? I'm the same person, the same person with those same shortcomings, the same flaws. If I haven't spent the time thinking about well why is it that I was, that there was imutz halev, that my heart was so callous? What is it about me? What's wrong with me? If I don't have any sense, any diagnosis for what's wrong with me, a sickness can't be cured without a correct diagnosis. It's impossible. It's not going to be cured without a diagnosis. One begins to understand what Rav Yisrael Salanter meant when he said that he prepares for Yom Kippur beginning the previous Motzoei Yom Kippur. Imagine how much time it takes to go through the ashamnus, to go through the al cheits and to understand, where did this cheit come from? What was the context of the cheit? What was the source of the cheit? What was the root of the cheit? For the teshuva to be emes... I have to understand that. What is it if I'm going to uproot, what is it I'm uprooting? If I'm recreating, what do I need to change in the blueprint? We could talk for hours trying to understand some of the sources, some of the causes, some of the roots. As time allows, let's try perhaps to analyze one or two areas of our lives. Avodas Hashem. A transformative Teshuvah means that we have to look, in addition to scrutinizing details, we have to look at the overall orientation of our lives, the overall direction of our lives, what our priorities are, and for that matter, how we establish those priorities. Let's begin by looking at our understanding of what Avodas Hashem means and whether or not we have an accurate or whether we have a truncated understanding of what Avodas Hashem entails. What is that phrase? It comes from the psukim Sefer Devarim, osoy saavodu, את ה׳ אלקיך תירא, osoy saavodu, u’vishmo tishaveia, אחרי ה׳ אלקיכם תלכו, v’osoy tirau, v’es mitzvosov tishmoru, u’vkolo sishmau, v’osoy saavodu. Avodas Hashem. What does Avodas Hashem mean? We’re not going to be comprehensive in our discussion now. The very first association with Avodas Hashem - Avodas Hashem lashon eved, lashon avdus. We're servants, we're slaves of the Ribono Shel Olam. The very first, most elementary, most primary obligation of a slave is to know what his master wants of him. What is it that the master wants? A person can't discharge his obligation as an eved unless he knows what the Adon wants. What that means for us is that we need to know halacha. We need to know halacha. We don't need to know how to pasken shailos. No, that we have addresses to where we can turn to get piskei halacha. But we need to know what's a question. We need to know what's a question. When I go shopping, I need to know what clothing I can buy, what clothing I can't buy. When I shave in the morning, I need to know what kind of shaver I can use, what kind of shaver I can't use. I need to know how high can I trim my sideburns, how high can I not trim my sideburns. I have to know what is a question. I don't have to know all the answers. I don't have to know all the answers, but I at least have to know enough to know what's a question. An eved has to know what the master wants. He can't just - well, I'll do what feels right, I'll do what I think is right. No, maybe what I think is right doesn't correspond to what the Adon, to what the master knows is right. An eved also realizes that he belongs entirely to the master, he's beholden entirely to the master, he belongs. And eved also realizes that he belongs entirely to the master. He's beholden entirely to the master. He belongs, he belongs totally to his master. The question, one of the questions, one of the instances of lashon kasha which was supposed, which we're supposed to ask ourselves at this time of year, our conception of avodas Hashem, our practice of yiddishkeit. We have a notion, never mind the reality, but do we have a notion of belonging wholly and exclusively to Hakadosh Baruch Hu? Do we have a notion that avodas Hashem isn't just one component to be balanced alongside: I have my personal life, I have my professional life, and I have goals in my personal life, and I have goals in my professional life, and I have my religious life. And maybe, maybe, maybe I even have goals in my religious life. An eved doesn't have a personal life. He doesn't have a professional life which is independent of his master. His personal life and his professional life have to be integrated into his servitude. They have to be a reflection of the fact that he's an eved. In fact, he has a personal life, in fact, he has a professional life, but not one which is independent of the master, not one which is therefore entitled to a third of his time because I have my personal goals, I have my professional goals, and I have my religious goals. Each one occupies a third of the time. A person is supposed to be oved Hashem. Does that mean that a person has a personal life and that there are goals within his personal life which are identified accordingly? Absolutely. But not independently. One's personal life is in the shadow of one's avodas Hashem, is part and parcel of one's avodas Hashem. It's not an independent area or domain within one's life. One belongs totally to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Avadim belong to the master. We belong to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Yes, Hakadosh Baruch Hu put us in a world where we're supposed to balance and we're supposed to juggle and we're supposed to balance personal and professional with the intrinsically holy. But not because the personal and professional are independent of our avodas Hashem, but because it's part of our avodas Hashem. And the goals and the time we spend and what it is we're looking to accomplish personally and professionally has to be decided upon and has to reflect avodas Hashem. The Ramban in his commentary following Chazal says, listen to that, the second of the two psukim that we mentioned before, אחרי השם אלהיכם תלכו ואותו תיראו ואת מצותיו תשמרו ובקולו תשמעו ואותו תעבודו.
The Torah said es mitzvosav tishmoru, you have to fulfill all mitzvos. The Torah says uv'kolo sishmau, you have to listen to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. What's left for v'oso sa'avodu? What else is there to do? Es mitzvosav tishmoru, okay, I hear, okay, I pledge, I pledge myself to taryag mitzvos. Uv'kolo sishmau, listen to what Hakadosh Baruch Hu tells you, maybe a navi will come with a hora'as sha'ah which isn't part of the general amalgam of taryag mitzvos. I hear, I pledge myself to that also. What's left for v'oso sa'avodu? Says the Ramban, it's what Chazal in Pirkei Avos refer to as וכל מעשיך יהיו לשם שמים. It's not that, okay, I went to shacharis in the morning and I had a kvi'as itim, okay, es mitzvosav tishmoru, I did, I complied with the mitzvos. No, says the Ramban, v'oso sa'avodu now: your entire day has to be devoted to avodas Hashem. When you eat, when you drink, when you conduct business, the Torah says v'oso sa'avodu, וכל מעשיך יהיו לשם שמים, we're supposed to aspire to integrate everything into avodas Hashem, that what we do... do what we do should be decided in terms of avodas Hashem and then it should be done for that purpose. Now clearly, clearly this is not something that a person can accomplish overnight. Clearly the madreigos that we're discussing here are ones which require consistent and persistent work, but we at least have to know what the goals are. We at least have to know in what direction we're supposed to be moving. The direction in which we're supposed to be moving is את מצותיו תשמרו ובקולו תשמעו ואותו תעבודו. I think one, one indication, one symptom of this very truncated notion that we have of avodas Hashem, this compartmentalization of avodas Hashem, is that most of us have personal goals. Most of us have professional goals. I'm not sure, I'm not sure whether as many of us have religious goals. Why shouldn't it be, why shouldn't it be, obviously at this point this is gender specific because men have an obligation in talmud Torah, women don't, but why shouldn't it be that every, every, everyone has a plan? It has to be realistic, it has to be realistic, that everyone has a plan for what he's going to accomplish in talmud Torah. Why shouldn't it be that everyone, why shouldn't it be that there's a demand for we want shiurim in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, we want, we want a daily shiur in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch on halacha yomis and Mishnah Berurah? What, the rabbis have a monopoly on talmud Torah? When it says ושננתם לבניך ולמדתם אותם את בניכם, so only, only if one's first name is rabbi is the pasuk speaking to them? We should all have those, if one understands what it means to be an eved, that's one's essence, that's what one is, so of course our goals, what we consider a goal is what a person considers his fulfillment. I'm going to feel so much better, I'm going to look so much better if I drop 20 pounds. Okay, so that's a goal. I identify that as one form of self-fulfillment. But if a person is, if a person understands, he recognizes himself as an eved Hashem, so then the goals have to be within the context of that avdus. So why shouldn't it be that every single one of us has such goals? I'm going to know Mishnah Berurah backwards and forwards. Okay, now maybe that's too ambitious for me now. I'm going to know Kitzur Shulchan Aruch backwards and forwards. I'm going to know Chumash and Rashi backwards and forwards. Maybe, maybe for this year that's too ambitious. Chumash with some of the Rashis but next year there will be more. Why shouldn't everyone, if we understand who we are, what we are, avdai heim and v'oso sa'avodu, so our goals should reflect that. A person's dreams, a person's goals tell you who the person is as much as the reality of who the person is now by looking at him, sometimes you can see even more if you're privy to what his dreams are, what he wants to be, what his aspirations are. Our aspirations should be in ruchniyus. Again, the aspirations have to be individualized. One person's aspirations are not another person's aspirations, but everyone's aspirations have to be within avodas Hashem. Now does that mean Mishnah Berurah backwards and forwards? Does it mean Kitzur Shulchan Aruch backwards and forwards? Does it mean mishnayos? Does it mean Chumash and Rashi? That's going to vary. Does it mean becoming more fluent in, in Hebrew to unlock all these things? That's going to vary from individual to individual, but everyone has to have those dreams, those goals, those aspirations. If you don't have dreams, you don't have accomplishments. Oses avodu we're avadim, avadim have to know what the master wants, avadim have to understand that they belong wholly and exclusively to the Adon. But oses avodu has another connotation as well, connotation not so much necessarily in terms of avdus, in terms of slavery or servitude, but when you say, that's more of a, I guess more of a Yiddish idiom perhaps than a Hebrew idiom, what's that big avodah? Avodah means to work hard, a grosse avodah, to work hard. Oses avodu means that avodas Hashem means working hard. The American ideal couldn't be more diametrically opposed to what the Torah teaches us. The American ideal, the American dream, right? Even the cliché expresses it very well, is to live on Easy Street. Right? That's the cliché and it's a very accurate one because it encapsulates what the American dream is. American dream is to be able to afford all the luxuries we want, to live as luxurious and indulgent lifestyle that money shouldn't inhibit us in that pursuit, in that crazed American pursuit for pleasure, physical pleasure, materialistic pleasure, that we should work as much as we want to work, be able to take as frequent and long vacations as we want, to live on Easy Street. What does the Torah say? Torah says Adam l'amal yulad. Person was born, person comes down to this world to work, not to live on Easy Street. The Medrash says one of the two interpretations of Nisayon of when Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives a person a trial, the Medrash has the analogy that you sometimes in order to get the most out of the flax or something, it has to be beaten. People need to be challenged in order to respond. We can't realize our potential in avodas Hashem, we don't actualize our potential in avodas Hashem without hard work. You can have a person who was born with the innate abilities to be the greatest musician of his age, to be the greatest decathlon athlete of his age. If he doesn't invest the time in practice with the musical instrument or in the athletic training, he's not going to. The talent will be squandered. Again, what the talent is for, one person's talent is primarily in the area of music, another one in athletics and other people in so many other different areas. But it's always the same: if a person doesn't invest the hard work, a person doesn't realize whatever his kochos are. Adam l'amal yulad. זאת התורה אדם כי ימות באוהל אין התורה מתקיימת אלא במי שממית עצמו עליה.
The Torah, the Torah lives, thrives when a person, the same English slang that we have, when a person kills himself over it. There is a letter from Rav Pinkus zichrono livracha. Rav Pinkus writes, he says, make no mistake, this theme that we're talking about now is not gender-specific. He says the balance within avodas Hashem, of course there are components, there are elements which are gender-specific, but this notion of Adam l'amal yulad, that a person should sense that hayom katzer, how does the Mishnah Pirkei Avos say? The day is short, v'hamalacha meruba, v'hapoalim atzeilim. The day is short, the work, the volume of work is great, the workers are lazy, u'baal habayis docheik and the boss is pushing, u'baal habayis docheik. There's nothing gender-specific about that; it applies to men, to women equally. how it translates, it doesn't necessarily translate the same way all the time. But it's the same, avodas Hashem means yeah, to work. To work, it means to push ourselves to do the most that we can. Not to, not to imbibe the insidious American dream of easy street, but adam l'amal yulad, to push. It's interesting, the gemara says for a person to, to have nevuah, for a person to have nevuah, so there are certain either character traits or states of mind which are antithetical to getting close to the Ribono shel Olam. Atzvus, sadness, depression inhibits a person's relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. In that list, in that list, the gemara lists atzlus, laziness. Chazal understood very well and it's something that we need to understand as well. Laziness isn't a physical trait only, it's not just a physical flaw, it's a spiritual shortcoming. It's a spiritual shortcoming. If you show me someone who physically is lazy, I'll show you someone who's spiritually lazy as well. Atzlus. When Shlomo Hamelech says לך אל נמלה עצל ראה דרכיה וחכם, go, lazy person, to the ant, observe its habits and be enlightened. He wasn't just giving vocational advice and vocational guidance. In the spiritual realm as well, a person has to be willing to work. And in particular, teshuva is hard work. To ask the questions that need to be asked, to look through, to look through the list of chatoim, whether it's, it's those in the machzor, whether it's those that Rabbeinu Yona lists in Shaarei Teshuva, whether it's those that we know either from our written diary or mental diary that we've kept over the past year and to think about it and to understand what it shows about us, about our shortcomings, about our failings, about our inadequacies, to speak to ourselves with a lashon kasha, to go through the crucible of teshuva, to experience the pain of admitting failure, of admitting misdirection, of admitting misplaced priorities. It's very painful. It's an avoda. It's an avoda. The Torah says also an avoda. Torah says yeah, for a person to be what he can, for a person to accomplish what he can, what the Ribono shel Olam gave him the kochos to, to do, he has to be, he has to be oveid. He has to work, he has to struggle. I think it's the Abarbanel who says, the pasuk says on Yom Kippur ve'inisem es nafshoseichem. Inuy. So what does inuy mean? So we know inuy means a person afflicts himself, we fast. We don't take food, we don't take drink, we don't wear shoes, we don't wash, we don't anoint ourselves. We afflict ourselves. Says the Abarbanel that's all true, but there's also another component which the pshuto shel mikra is teaching us and he says the ve'inisem on Yom Kippur is doing teshuva. The ve'inisem on Yom Kippur is the process and it's a process which is filled with anguish because if it's not filled with anguish it's not transformative. For teshuva to be emessdik it has to be transformative. For teshuva to be transformative there has to be an anguish, there has to be an anguish where a person recognizes not just I did something, I'm sorry, it was an aberration, it was an anomaly, it wasn't an aberration, it wasn't an anomaly. It says something about about me. That process is a difficult process, it's an avoda. But it's a process which Hakadosh Baruch Hu says that we have the resilience to see through. It's a process which the Ribbono Shel Olam says, if only, if only we'll try, if only we'll take the first steps, הבא ליטהר מסייעין אותו. If a person comes, he wants to purify himself, he'll find helping hands along the way. Rebbi Yehuda Halevi writes, בצאתי לקראתך ריבונו של עולם, when I go out looking for you, or when I want to come back to you Ribbono Shel Olam, I find you going out towards me. Is it an avodah? Yes, but there's a guarantee, a guarantee, הבא ליטהר מסייעין אותו, that we can do it, and Hakadosh Baruch Hu promises, he pledges his siyata d'ishmaya that we can be successful. We can be successful in the Yamim Noraim, we can do teshuvah, we can be zocheh, and halevai each and every one of us will be zocheh to do teshuvah, to be zocheh to ksiva v'chasima tova, and from the year of the Yamim Noraim to come to a genuine simcha on Sukkos, zman simchasenu.