Perek Alef Mishna Yud-Daled. הוא היה אומר הוא הלל: אם אין אני לי מי לי וכשאני לעצמי מה אני ואם לא עכשיו אימתי.
Rabbeinu Yonah comments upon and elaborates both here in Pirkei Avos as well as in Sha'ar Beis of Sha'arei Teshuva. Maybe initially we'll read a couple of lines from Sha'arei Teshuva, Sha'ar Beis, Os Chaf-Vav. והנה נחתום הענין הזה במאמר נכבד של אחד מישראל zichrono livrakha היה הלל עליו השלום אומר אם אין אני לי מי לי וכשאני לעצמי מה אני ואם לא עכשיו אימתי.
Be'er ha-davar: אם האדם לא יעורר נפשו מה יועילוהו המוסרים כי אף על פי שנכנסים בלבו ביום שומעו ישכחם היצר ויעבירם מלבבו כענין שנאמר וחסדכם כענן בוקר.
Rabbeinu Yonah describes what might unfortunately be an all too scenario that's all too familiar. We hear a shmooze and a person genuinely experiences a hisorerus. So Hillel says but אם האדם לא יעורר עצמו לא יעורר נפשו מה יועילוהו המוסרים כי אף על פי שנכנסים בלבו ביום שומעו ישכיחם היצר ויעבירם מלבבו.
Human nature is such that regardless of how genuinely a person feels a hisorerus when he hears words of mussar, gradually that hisorerus weakens, it abates, until there's nothing left of it like a cloud that's dispersed by a wind or by a series of winds. And that's why a person can't be passive in growth, in tikkun ha-midos, in avodas Hashem, in all areas of avodas Hashem. A person has to take ownership and responsibility. אם אין אני לי מי לי. The same point that Rabbeinu Yonah is here explaining that Hillel was addressing was a very beautiful and profound vort from the Shem mi-Shmuel, the Sochatchover Rebbe, the son of the Avnei Nezer. The Gemara in Sotah says, commenting on the smikhus ha-parshiyos between nazir and sotah, that הרואה סוטה בקלקולה יזיר עצמו מן היין. As a type of typology, so Chazal are depicting that the way that... the sotah came to such terrible fate was the result of intoxication. So therefore הרואה סוטה בקלקולה יזיר עצמו מן היין should take a neder nezirus to that which bein hayetar means that יין ושכר אל תשת that that miyayin v'sheichar yazir. So says the Shem MiShmuel aderaba. He says you would think if there's one person in the world who doesn't need a neder nezirus as a protective measure it's a person who has seen the sotah b'kilkulah. He he can rely on that experience and that memory as as a safeguard. So the Shem MiShmuel the same point he says no ידעה תורה סוף דעתו של אדם that regardless of of how intensely a person experiences something the experience wears off. Even the experience of of seeing sotah b'kilkulah וצבתה בטנה ונפלה יריכה והייתה לאלה בקרב העם I forget the lashon haposuk. Even that horrible sight that experience also weakens as time passes. So says the Shem MiShmuel ידעה תורה סוף דעתו של אדם while the person has the clarity provided by an experience he has to consolidate. He has to translate into discrete kabbalos what he's going to do with that hissorarus. How how that's going to translate on an ongoing basis within his life. And that's what's represented obviously the point is that not we should all go out and take a neder nezirus that's not the that's not the takeaway. But the yesod is obviously the takeaway. Rabbeinu Yonah is talking about the same same same problem he's going to suggest an additional response כי אף על פי שנכנסו בלבו ביום שמעו ישכיחם היצר ויעבירם מלבו
again reading now from Sha'arei Teshuvah but he has the same same here in the Perush al Avos that's that's human nature. Zeirus ha'acharin here in the Perush al Avos זהירות האחרים טוב הוא לפי שעה but only l'fi sha'ah it doesn't it won't it won't endure beyond that. So Rabbeinu Yonah says so a person has to daily reinforce it אכן צריך האדם בשמעו המוסר להורות נפשו ולשום הדברים אל לבו ולחשוב בהם תמיד
now reading again from Sha'arei Teshuvah אכן צריך האדם בשמעו המוסר להורות נפשו ולשום הדברים אל לבו ולחשוב בהם תמיד
the same yesod as Ramchal tells us in the hakdamah to Mesillas Yesharim that the way to internalize is to constantly reinforce ולשום הדברים אל לבו ולחשוב בהם תמיד ויתבודד בחדרי רוחו וישיב ויהפוך יד תוכחתו על נפשו
he should repeat the divrei hissorarus the divrei tochachah to himself constantly ולא יסמוך על תוכחת המוכיח לבדו ותוכחתו his own again obviously everything has to be done in a religiously balanced and emotionally healthy way ותוכחתו לבקרים ולרגעים תהיה עד אשר תקבל נפשו המוסר ועד אשר תטהר
hissorarus is still in the bechinah of potential. When when a person experiences a hissorarus it hasn't gone מן הכוח אל הפועל. It's still, it's still in the class of koach. It's still, it's still a potential. And the way it goes מן הכוח אל הפועל, the way that it's actualized, the way it's realized, again, Rabbeinu Yonah says, to take it, write it on an index card and whatever that hisorerus is, whatever that perspective is, whatever that insight is, and constantly review, constantly reinforce. The Shem MiShmuel says, and translate that into, into again, it has to be done in an emotionally healthy and religiously balanced way, of course, but translate that into, into a specific kabbalah or kabbalos as, as appropriate. וכשאני לעצמי מה אני, what's the next phrase in Hillel's teaching? וכשאני לעצמי מה אני, again, reading from Rabbeinu Yonah here on Avos. הדבר מוכרח להשיג אל אחד מני אלף ממה שאני חייב לעשות.
Even if and when I'll apply myself, even if and when I'll exert myself, my accomplishments will still be very meager. ומשל למשל למה הוא דומה. Chazal give the following mashal. למלך שנתן שדהו לעבדיו ופסק עמהם בשלשים כור לשנה. So the agreement is, the stipulation is, that they work the field, they're supposed to bring 30 bushels, whatever 30 kor to the melech annually, and the rest they keep for themselves. טרחו בה הרבה והביאו לו חמשה כורים. They work hard, but they fall far of the goal. אמר להם המלך הלא פסקתם עמי בשלשים כור? How do you only bring five when we agreed on thirty? אמרו לו אדונינו המלך שדה שנתת לנו זבורית היתה. טרחנו בה הרבה ולא היינו יכולים להוציא ממנה יותר מחמשה כורים. כך אומרים לפני הקדוש ברוך הוא יצר הרע שנתת לנו מנעורינו הוא, יצר הרע שנתת לנו מנעורינו הוא, שנאמר יצר לב האדם רע מנעוריו. ואפילו כשאדם טורח הרבה לעשות הישר בעיני השם אין אדם יכול להשיג אלא לדבר מועט ממה שחייב לעשות. וזהו שנאמר כי הוא ידע יצרנו זכור כי עפר אנחנו. שמלבד מה שיצר הרע באדם אפילו בלא זה שיטרח ויחזור אחר המצוות לא היה עושה מהם הרבה כסתם עידיות אפילו אם לא יטרחו בעבודת האדמה לא יצא ממנה שום דבר. אבל עכשיו שיודע שאפילו אם יטרח הרבה לא ישיג אלא המועט מפני יצר הרע שמקלקל גופו כל שכן אם לא יטרח תישאר נפשו ריקה מן המצוות כסתם זבורית אם לא יטרח בה ולא יזבלנה ויחרישנה לא יצא ממנה שום דבר.
Rabbeinu Yonah says Hillel is not looking to invite depression when Hillel says וכשאני לעצמי מה אני, means that he's looking to motivate and he's looking to energize that a person should know, it's not as if one's best is, I don't know, if you have a sense that the test is going to be relatively easy, so if you'll do your best, you'll score 130. Okay, so there's no need to work so hard, there's no need to study so hard. It's not so terrible if you get a hundred on the test. So you can make a half-hearted effort because if you'll go full throttle you'll get 130. Okay, you don't need to be 130, 100 is also okay. But if, no, to accomplish, to accomplish... accomplish you need to go full throttle and and anything less it's not it's not that a person is capable of so much that that if you divide it in half if you or by making a half-hearted effort that that's what Hillel says כשאני לעצמי מה אני and and therefore there's no a person doesn't have extra potential which he should be squandering. All the potential we have we need and a person should be working to to realize it. And finally v'lo achshav eimatai then then v'lo achshav eimatai has two peshatim. You're you're at the blessed stage of life where you can relate to to both of the peshatim. One is v'lo achshav eimatai means olam hazeh versus olam haba. This is the olam ha'asiyah, this is the olam hama'aseh. This is where a person can achieve, can realize potential, can engage in avodas Hashem, can look to cultivate tikkun hamidos and his bein adam lachaveiro, yiras Hashem, ahavas Hashem, but olam haba's an olam haschar. It's not the hayom la'asotam. And v'lo achshav eimatai. The other is v'lo achshav eimatai and and this is the pshat that the Rambam gives as well is that in one's youth it's it's relatively speaking it it is much easier to engage in tikkun hamidos in in one's youth than at a at a more advanced age. The longer habits remain with a person, the more they're enforced and the deeper the more they become entrenched and the deeper the roots grow, then it's never ever impossible, it's never ever impossible, but it is more difficult. It is more difficult at at my age than than at yours. That that is a reality. So v'lo achshav eimatai that in one's youth that there is a unique opportunity one's midos are are less set, less entrenched and relatively speaking it's it's not easy in an absolute sense, not easy in an absolute sense, but relatively speaking the the avoda of tikkun hamidos of having a focus in life relatively speaking is is easier in in one's youth than it is later and therefore v'lo achshav eimatai. Maybe just one other comment on the on the last mishna in the perek also from Rabbeinu Yonah. רבן שמעון בן גמליאל אומר על שלושה דברים העולם עומד
excuse me על הדין ועל האמת ועל השלום שנאמר אמת ומשפט שלום שפטו בשעריכם.
So again maybe we'll come back I'm not sure but but maybe we'll come back with im yirtzeh Hashem and talk about other aspects of the mishna but for the moment let's focus on emes. Rabbeinu Yonah if you have take a look ve'al ha'emes says Rabbeinu Yonah שיש לו לאדם לאחוז בדרכי התשובה שהוא אמת ותורתו אמת והולך בדרכי הקדוש ברוך הוא אמת גם כן ילך באותו הדרך
shene'emar vehalachta bidrachav. ואמרו חז"ל שאפילו סיפור דברים בעלמא אין לו לאדם לשקר כההוא עובדא דברי דרב אמר ליה מה אעלה עמך אמר ליה. אנא הוא דהפיכנא לה.
Amar lei, hainu d'amri inshei דנפיק מינך טעמא ילפך, however ואת לא תעביד mishum למדו לשונם דבר שקר. כי האדם המרגיל לשונו לדבר שקר בדבר שאין בו לא הפסד ולא תועלת גם כי יבוא לדבר דברים של עיקר לא יוכל לומר האמת כי פיהו המדבר וההרגל שולט עליו.
Rabbeinu Yonah says that there are two mechayvim for why a person has to be emestik. Mechayev number one is because חותמו של הקדוש ברוך הוא אמת. And therefore the mitzvah of ve-halachta bidrachav is mechayev that we have to be emestik. We have to be emestik. I don't know, sometimes you know on voicemail so you hear a recording, you know 'Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as possible.' Now the person rarely means you're nitzdak and baruch hashem I'm glad I missed your call, why would I want to call you back? But the message says no, 'Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as possible.' Now, lav davka that you have to put my version of the message on your voicemail either, not sure that that's encouraged either, but l'maiseh I don't know, is a person, is he really really committed to returning every call as soon as he possibly can? I don't know. It's not emestik, it's not emestik. I remember when my youngest son's bar mitzvah, so as we invited all the rabbeim he had had until that point in his life. And one of them sent back a response card that made such an impression I still remember it, it was quite a few years ago. And say usually response cards say, you know, 'I'm sorry, I can't make it.' And his response card said, 'I'm sorry, it would be very difficult for me to come.' That's emes. It wasn't impossible, but it would have been very difficult. So one mechayev in emes is that ve-halachta bidrachav. It doesn't make a difference whether a person thinks that the inaccuracy is consequential or inconsequential, is repercussive or not repercussive, חותמו של הקדוש ברוך הוא אמת, so a person has to be emestik. A person has to be emestik. If I'm not going to call back as soon as I possibly can, so I shouldn't say that I'm going to call back as soon as I possibly can. It's a chisaron in ve-halachta bidrachav. But then Rabbeinu Yonah has gemara in Yevamos tells a story about Rav that for whatever reason his wife acted as a little bit of a haphachnik. So she'd ask him every day what do you want for dinner. So if he'd say 'Let's have milchigs tonight,' so she prepared fleishigs. And if he'd say 'Let's have fleishigs tonight,' she prepared milchigs. So one day again she sent a message with Rav's son, you know go ask not abba, Rav's name was Abba so Rav's son didn't call him Abba. What he did call him, I don't know, but he didn't call him Abba because that was his name. So go ask your father what he wants for supper and Rav says milchigs and then when he comes to the dinner he's shocked to see that he gets milchigs. So he says to his son what happened here? He says I told her fleishigs. So Rav tells him achochma ziguta, deha now was a gut chochmah, but you shouldn't do it because למדו לשונם דבר שקר. למדו לשונם דבר שקר means that everything a person does, there's no such thing as doing anything in life which is totally compartmentalized. Everything a person does in life has a momentum. Everything a person does in life has an impact upon the person. Rav says למדו לשונם דבר שקר, they trained their... what is it in Yirmiyahu, no? From the Haftara of Tisha B'av. That they trained themselves to speak sheker and even if that habit is formed in inconsequential or even seemingly legitimate contexts, as with Rav's son. But Af al pi chein Hahergel sholeit alav. If a person allows himself to develop a habit of not speaking truthfully, so then even when the situation again is clearly so important and so significant that he has to be 100% emesdik, Hahergel sholeit alav and he won't be able to. So that's the second mechayev. Mechayev number one in middos ha'emes is vehalachta bidrachav and mechayev number two is this yesod in toras hamiddos. That's why you hear stories about how some of the baalei mussar were so makpid on habits of neatness and vechulu even in milei d'alma and some of the stories in... wow. Even in milei d'alma. But it comes from this insight of Rabbeinu Yona that a person can't in terms of character traits, a person doesn't have a master switch that he turns on and off. And if a person again, seemingly in inconsequential areas doesn't uphold standards of character, whether it's middas ha'emes or whether it's other middos, so then even when the stakes are significant and the stakes are great, he's not going to be able to and that's the second mechayev that Rabbeinu Yona has here for middas ha'emes. Circling back to the first one for a minute, so vechuloh al pi Rabbeinu Yona, the Gemara in Yevamos towards the end of the sixth perek says that מפני דרכי שלום מותר לשנות. One is allowed to say something which isn't factually true mipnei darkei shalom. So first the Gemara quotes a raya from the achei Yosef. Vayomru el Yosef... how's the pasuk go? אביך צוה לפני מותו לאמר כה תאמרו ליוסף אנא שא נא פשע אחיך וחטאתם כי רעה גמלוך.
So the whole thing was a lie. Yaakov Avinu never said it. That's mutar lishanos mipnei darkei shalom. And then the Gemara has another makor. The Gemara says the makor is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu, when He tells Avraham Avinu, למה זה צחקה שרה לאמר, so Sarah said v'adoni zakein and Hakadosh Baruch Hu changes it to v'ani zakanti. So what's the pshat? Pshat is like this. Heyos that the mechayev in middas ha'emes is vehalachta bidrachav, so the exception has to be vehalachta bidrachav also. So that's what the Gemara has a makor. No, you see that Hakadosh Baruch Hu was meshaneh mipnei hashalom in telling Sarah Imeinu that what Avraham Avinu... that what Sarah said is v'ani zakanti. So that establishes the exception. Even according to both mechayvim in Rabbeinu Yona, if you have a situation where telling the truth results in a sheker, so then that's not what we're talking about. Let's say mushal... let's say an example. In sometimes in context of shidduchim, when people talk about age, specifically the age of the yunge lady, so for some reason there's sometimes in some context there's an assumption that if you say that the yunge lady is 21 it really means that she... So let's say she in fact is 21, but if you'll say she's 21, so then it's going to be interpreted that she's 23. So then you have to say that she's 19, and then they'll say oh, she's really 21, and he's taking two years off. So that's consistent with both Mechayiv and Rabbeinu Yona. משל מה הדבר דומה, let's say in America hello means hello. Let's say you'll go to Italy, and in Italy hello means goodbye. So you'll say hello to mean goodbye in Italy because that's what the word's going to mean there, so it's not a chisaron in middas emes, neither according to the mechayiv of al tachashu nor according to the mechayiv of למדו לשונם דבר שקר.